


Heartshaped

by imissmaeberry



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst and Romance, Drinking, Drinking Games, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, House Party, Kissing, Love Confessions, Love Stories, Minor Violence, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, New Year's Eve, New Year's Kiss, Non-Graphic Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Romance, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Valentine's Day, shitty exes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2020-07-29 02:44:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 33,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20074831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imissmaeberry/pseuds/imissmaeberry
Summary: Once again, your best friend has sent you out with the intentions of getting you a boyfriend. This time, however, things go a little differently.





	1. Chapter 1

you’re not really sure how you ended up here.   
  
here being your best friend’s boyfriend’s cousin’s kitchen. the extended nature of that relationship doesn’t elude you, of course, but you know that your friends have been growing restless with the length of time that you’ve been single. and, as they continually point out, the holidays are the worst time of year to be single.    
  
so, if you really think about it, you know exactly how you ended up here.    
  
because when you’d gotten a text from your best friend inviting you over to make cookies, you had incorrectly assumed that meant she’d be there. the last thing you had expected when you’d shown up to the address you’d been sent was to be greeted by a small house that reminded you of a christmas village. and when you made your way up to the door, you were greeted by the sight of a frazzled man about your age, eyes wide and face and clothes spattered with flour.    
  
“are - are you soyoung’s friend? she said you’d be coming by.” he says, and his voice is deeper and rougher than you imagined.    
  
you nod, a little shocked, and he melts with relief. “that’s great, i’m - i’m scrambling in there and i really need your help.”   
  
and that was that.    
  
the stranger introduces himself as jihoon, and he admits that he’d gotten himself into a bit of trouble with his neighborhood baseball league, and by being late to a meeting he’d managed to get left with the task of baking cookies for the league’s charity festival.   
  
“except, the problem is that i don’t really....bake?” he grimaces as he shows you the mess he’s made of the kitchen, bowls half-full of what you were pretty sure were supposed to be cookie dough.    
  
you bite your lip in an attempt to hold back a giggle and end up failing. “so how does that all relate to me?”   
  
“oh i uh, i put out a sort of sos to some friends and family, and woomin said his girlfriend might know someone, and since his girlfriend is soyoung, that makes you...someone.”   
  
you nod, “that makes me someone.” you clap your hands together and sigh, surveying the kitchen again. “okay, so...i’m guessing you were trying for sugar cookies?”   
  
jihoon lets out a deep breath and nods, “yeah, i had thought they would be pretty easy, but as you can see, i’m just...doing something wrong? over and over again.”   
  
you smile. “well you’re in luck - sugar cookies are my specialty, actually. why don’t you um -”   
  
jihoon looks at the counters and the bowls stacking up in the sink and jolts a little, almost as if he’d forgotten the mess. “yeah! yeah, i’m going to clean some of this stuff up, just let me know if you need any help.”   
  
you tie your hair back, push your sleeves up, and get to work. you’re surprised he has any ingredients left, but perhaps even more surprised that he’d chosen to go with a homemade recipe as opposed to using mix from a store.    
  
you ask him as much, and he chuckles nervously. “the moms from the neighborhood are going to be coming to this thing. trust me, they’ll know if i used a pre-made mix.”    
  
“ah.” you nod and continue stirring, checking over the recipe you have pulled up on your phone. “jihoon? is the oven pre-heated?”   
  
“uhhh. there is a strong possibility?” he turns away from the sink and dries his hands on a towel. you look over your shoulders towards him, notice him standing with his hands shoved into the back pockets of his jeans. you turn back to the dough - more than satisfied with the way it has come out.    
  
you don’t notice jihoon coming up behind you, peering over your shoulder and looking into the bowl.    
  
“oh, so that’s what it’s supposed to look like.”    
  
his voice scares you, as does the feeling of his breath against your ear. you jump and he does too, pulling back.    
  
“sorry.”   
  
you wave him off, trying to calm your heart from pounding. “it’s - it’s fine. you just caught me off guard is all.”    
  
it hasn’t escaped your notice that jihoon is attractive. his features are simultaneously sharp and yet soft, especially when he smiles at you softly, rubbing the back of his head.    
  
“it’s um - i need it at 375.” you mumble, and he nods, mumbling back that he’d take care of it.    
  
you set the dough into the fridge to chill for a spell, meanwhile helping jihoon to finish cleaning the kitchen.    
  
“can i - do you - um, tea?” jihoon’s face is flushed and you wonder for a moment if it’s from the rising temperature of the oven.    
  
“i’d love some tea, jihoon, thank you.” you smile at him softly and he nods, turning away from you to fill the electric kettle and get it going.    
  
you learn a good bit about jihoon while you wait on the dough to finish chilling. he’s a year older than you, and he’s working his way up in a small production company that he swears is going to be the next big thing. he writes music, he tells you, and does some producing as well. he plays baseball in the neighborhood league because he played in high school and it helps him relax.    
  
he also tells you that he’s terribly, dreadfully single. you laugh and his eyes go wide.    
  
“i’m sorry, really sorry, jihoon. it’s not that i find that funny at all, i promise. it’s just um -” you giggle again. “i am also quite dreadfully single, and my friends have been very pointedly trying to get me a um - to get me a boyfriend? so i, and i hope this doesn’t sound rude, but i kind of figured that you were single. especially since i know that soyoung is involved.”   
  
jihoon’s face flushes. “oh, so do you think this was -”   
  
“i think this is very likely soyoung trying to set....something up.”   
  
jihoon looks like he wants to say something, but the timer you’d set starts chiming and he changes his mind. you pull the dough out of the fridge and cover the counter with flour. 

“do you want to help me do the cutouts, jihoon?”

he nods and pulls the cookie cutters he’d bought from the dish drainer while you roll the dough out smooth. he grabs two cookie sheets and sets them aside, coming to stand next to you. 

the two of you spend the next hour or so cutting out cookies, decorating, baking, and then repeating with another tray. by the time one tray had cooled and could be reused, the other was ready to go in. 

you tell him about how soyoung has spent a majority of the last year trying desperately trying to set you up on dates, and how none of that has really panned out. 

“this most recent guy she made me meet up with? he spent the whole time almost in  _ tears _ talking about his ex-girlfriend. he still followed all of her social media stuff, and he had  _ notifications _ on. every time she updated something he burst out sobbing all over again.” you sigh. “i told her after that that i didn’t want her to set me up anymore, but…” you smile at him softly. “i guess this time wasn’t so bad. even if it’s not like, a date or anything. i’m having fun!” 

jihoon hums, eyes trained on the sprinkles he’s putting on a cookie-wreath. he looks at you out of the corner of his eye and smiles. “yeah, i’ve been on a few pretty shitty blind dates too. a few weeks ago, woomin told me he’d met this girl i’d really like at the record store, so i was excited, you know? but then i go to pick her up, yanno like i told her i would, and she just doesn’t answer the door! so i call her, and i can  _ hear _ her phone on the other side of the door. so i keep knocking, and then she finally opens the door,  _ barely _ , and tells me she can’t come outside because her  _ dog _ doesn’t think she should go out with me.” he chuckles at the memory, so you don’t feel so bad when you do the same. “so i just left! i said ‘okay, i understand,’ and went home and ate pizza.”

you both break out into peals of laughter. “wow,” you say, chuckling, “our friends are  _ so bad  _ at this.” 

jihoon laughs harder, nodding. 

it’s as your decorating the third tray that the idea comes to you. 

“say, jihoon.”

he hums, focus trained on pulling a tray of cookies from the oven. 

“what if you and i dated?” 

your words cause him to nearly drop the tray where he stands, but instead he manages to get it onto the counter before turning to you, face flushed and eyes wide. “ _ what? _ ”

you cross your arms at the wrist in front of your face, forming an ‘x’. “not like, for real. we’ll pretend for a while and then when it feels right, we’ll ‘break up’. we’ll do it just long enough to keep people off our backs for a while.” you put your arms down and lean onto the counter. “what do you think?”

“uh. well. i mean….i guess that could work?” his face is well-flushed now, creeping down onto his neck, and he shrugs his shoulders. “do you really think it’ll work?”

“i guess we won’t know unless we try, right?” 

he nods, barely, and seems to get tense whenever you get close to him as you finish up the cookies and clean up. it stays that way until you’re getting ready to leave, pulling your coat on. jihoon is standing near the door, looking nervous right up to when you turn around take his hands in yours. 

“jihoon.” you say, looking him in the eyes. “if this is going to work, you need to not be so nervous. you’ve dated before, right? this will be even less stressful because you don’t have to impress me or anything!” you squeeze his hands, hoping to convey your own confidence. “please, jihoon. i’m  _ so  _ tired of soyoung being on my case.”

jihoon sighs and it seems like the tension melts from his shoulders as he looks back at you. “okay, okay, fine. we’re good now. woomin is starting to get on my nerves anyway, so i’m ready to do what i can to get him off my back.” 

you smile and squeeze his hands again, sighing yourself in relief. “okay so you better give me your number.”

jihoon nods and you two exchange numbers, and he makes sure to walk you out to your car. you smile at him through the cracked door as he stands there, looking like he wants to say something. 

“goodnight jihoon. and don’t worry, this is gonna be fun! i promise.”

jihoon has a sinking feeling that you’re right.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Jihoon get to know each other a little better and embark on your first public "date".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm currently in the process of cross posting this from tumblr!!! it's not done quite yet, but i'm almost there. i hope you all enjoy it!

“so, i think we should talk about boundaries.” 

you’re sitting in a cafe with jihoon a few days later, the day before his christmas festival. he looks up at you over the rim of his cup, eyebrows raised, nodding slightly for you to continue. 

“so, how do you feel about physical affection? obviously since we’re only ‘newly dating’, i doubt anyone with any sense will ask us to kiss. but stuff like, you know, holding hands, hugging - are you okay with that?” you break off a piece of the cookie you’d bought and chew slowly, waiting for his response.

“ah, well, i guess if we have to?” he shrugs and scratches at the back of his head, ears red. 

he’s cute when he’s nervous, you think.

“well, only when we’re out where people we know could see us, you know what i mean? i’m not saying that if we like, decide to hang out just you and i, we have to hold hands and cuddle and all that. i mean…” you trail off, tracing the rim of your mug with the tip of your finger. jihoon watches the movement, then looks up and sees the crumbs gathered under your bottom lip.

without thinking, he moves forward and wipes them off. it startles you, only for a second, but it’s enough to have him quickly retracting his hand and looking desperately away from you. “sorry.” he mumbles, cheeks red. 

“no, no jihoon, don’t be, that was very...very boyfriend-like. i guess what i was going to say is that whether people believe us or not will be based on what they know about our past relationships.”

jihoon raises an eyebrow, “how so?”

“well, like, my last boyfriend and i were super touchy; always holding hands, hugging, or just, yknow, touching each other somehow. we also used a lot of pet names, but that was mostly his thing, so soyoung won’t get weird if we don’t do that. what about you?” 

jihoon runs his fingers through his hair and sighs. “well, my last girlfriend was pretty clingy, but like, in the sense that she used to like practically hang off of me every chance she got, so i’m okay with like, casual touching i guess. and i uh,” jihoon looks down at his hands, interest suddenly drawn by something under his nails. “i liked calling her baby.”

“oh, that’s cute!” you laugh. “so we’re all good when it comes to that then. i think we should probably go out together at least once a week, and then post cute couple things on insta, that way people aren’t like ‘wow, are you guys really dating? what was your last date?’, that kind of thing.”

“you seem to know an awful lot about fooling people into thinking you’re in a relationship.”

you know he doesn’t mean it with any sort of malice. you know this, that it’s just a quip, but it doesn’t keep the clenching pain from your chest as you frown, just a small one, and shrug. “well, you get pretty good at it when you have to convince yourself, too.” you take a deep breath, and you smile to show jihoon that you’re fine. his horrified expression doesn’t fade, though and you reach out to take his hand. “it’s okay, jihoon. you didn’t know.”

“when my girlfriend broke up with me,” he blurts, hoping to trade your discomfort for his own, “she told me it was because she didn’t love me anymore.” he takes a deep breath of his own and then continues. “i didn’t find out until later that she’d been cheating on me. when - when she’d broken up with me i had asked if there was someone else, and she’d  _ lied _ , and told me there wasn’t. so.” 

your heart breaks a little, hearing this. “how - how did you find out?”

he closes his eyes for a moment, clenches them shut and you almost tell him to nevermind, you don’t need to know. he opens them again and he looks tired. “after it all happened, i stopped following her on social media, unfriended her and everything so i wouldn’t have to see if and when she got into a new relationship. then, a month or so after, she posted a picture of her and that  _ guy _ on some romantic fucking outing, and captioned it ‘happy six months, baby’. mutual friends of ours commented on it calling her out and someone sent me a screenshot of it because i guess they thought i should know.  _ six months _ . she’d been seeing him for five months before she decided she should get rid of me.”

correction: your heart shatters for jihoon. 

“i’m so, so sorry to hear that jihoon.” you reach out your other hand so that you’re holding both of his, interlocking your fingers. “i may be your fake girlfriend, but i promise i’ll treat you well.” 

he smiles, softly, and nods. “i may be your fake boyfriend, but at least i won’t make you second-guess the way you feel.”

you smile. everything is going to be fine. 

* * *

* * *

it takes about an hour of desperate reasoning with soyoung over the phone before she forgives you for not telling her about your new ‘relationship’ with jihoon. she eventually relents that it would, in fact, have been easier to deal with if it hadn’t worked out. you would have been able to brush it all off as you not even realizing the whole thing was a set up in the first place. 

“so, i did good this time, right? i finally set you up with someone you like~” soyoung sing songs to you over the speaker. you’re glad she isn’t there to see you roll your eyes. 

“oh yeah soyoung, this is really going to up your success rate. one good guy out of like,  _ fifteen _ .” you scroll through instagram as soyoung laughs, pleased to see how many people have left sweet comments on your photo of jihoon, as well as the one you’d posted afterwards of your hand intertwined with his. 

“you know i just want you to be happy. after everything  _ he _ put you through, i just want you to be happy like you used to be. that’s all.” the change in soyoung’s tone is overlayed with worry and concern, and you sigh. “so, you’re going to the festival with him right? he invited me and woomin so it’ll be like a cute double date!  _ and _ i can make sure he’s treating you how he should.”

you laugh, now, the idea of small, bubbly soyoung intimidating anyone is something you’re dying to see. “yeah, i’m gonna be there. i helped him bake those cookies, i wanna see if they’re neighborhood-mom approved.”

soyoung giggles. “oh, i’m sure they will be. i’ll see you there, then?”

“you bet.”

* * *

jihoon picks you up promptly, right at two, just as he said he would. you’re not quite ready, so you invite him in to sit for a while as he waits. 

“sorry about this.” you call from your bathroom, putting the finishing touches to your makeup and moving to the bed to lace and tie your boots. 

“no, no it’s fine.” jihoon answers from your kitchen, smiling softly at you as you make your way out to him. “you look nice.”

you grin at him, bright and wide, doing a little curtsy that makes you both giggle. “thank you. you’re not half-bad yourself.” 

jihoon’s giggles turn into a cough and his face flushes, and you run towards him, quickly grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and pressing it into his hands. he drinks it greedily and waves off your concern. “s-sorry. some air went down the wrong pipe, or something.”

you let out a relieved little huff. “i’m just glad you’re okay. should we go?”

jihoon nods and leads you out to his car. the two of you spend the ride in what you think is comfortable silence until jihoon mumbles, “do you mind if i put on some music?”

“oh, damn, of course jihoon! it’s your car, after all. driver picks the music and all that.” you lean over the console to pat his thigh and smile at him, pulling back your arm. “go ahead and play something.”

jihoon hands you his phone, unlocked, and instructs you on how to connect the phone to the bluetooth so he can focus on driving. he then directs you to the playlist he wants, and says that just anything is fine. the car fills with soft piano music that fades into strings and then, surprisingly, the beat drops into something more….techno. 

you bop your head along to the beat, and jihoon smirks. “do you like it?”

“yeah! it’s different. it’s cool.” you notice that jihoon is tapping the steering wheel to the beat as he drives, and the two of you continue to listen as jihoon drives the rest of the way to the carnival. he parks in what you assume is his neighborhood ballpark, and as you get out of the car you can hear christmas carols blaring from somewhere up ahead. 

jihoon comes around the front of the car to meet you. “ready?” he asks. he scratches his cheek with a mitten-clad finger, pulling his hat down farther around his ears. 

you nod and stick out your hand, waiting for him to take it. he looks down at it and blinks, almost as if he’s forgotten entirely that he’d have to do this. you push your hand at him again, this time with emphasis, and he laughs as he takes it into his own. 

the two of you walk towards the festival, where there are numerous different booths set up around the perimeter of a baseball field, with the center occupied by a small stage and seating. 

“so….” jihoon squeezes your hand. “are you hungry, or do you wanna play some games, first?”

you clutch at your chest with your free hand, gasping. “are you gonna win me a prize, jihoon? the biggest stuffed animal in the whole place?”

he bites his lip to stifle his laughter and then nods. “if that’s what you want, then sure.” he hesitates for a second before adding, “baby.”

something in your stomach does a happy little flip when he says that, and you swing your joined hands between you as he leads you over to one of the numerous game booths. there, swinging from the top of the prizes is a huge stuffed fish.

“jihoon.” you gasp, this time genuinely. “jihoon i  _ have  _ to have that fish.” his gaze follows the direction your finger leads to, and he laughs. 

“okay, baby. you got it.” 

* * *

jihoon wins you the fish. he also wins you an equally large stuffed heart, numerous smaller animals, and a giftcard to one of the nicer steakhouses downtown. by the time woomin and soyoung arrive, you’ve picked a favorite of the stuffed prizes and already helped jihoon place the rest in his car. 

being with jihoon is easy, you notice. it’s nice. knowing it isn’t real makes everything so much easier. it makes it natural.

so natural, apparently, that soyoung spends barely any time grilling jihoon about his intentions. maybe she trusts him more because he’s family, being woomin’s cousin; maybe it’s because they’ve met a few times already and soyoung is already familiar with him.

whatever the reason is, you’re grateful she doesn’t pry. 

“so.” soyoung asks as the four of you walk slowly around the festival, “what’s going on in the center, there? with the stage?”

“uh, a couple things, actually. there was a couple different groups doing carols and other christmas songs, there was a silent auction this morning, and tonight is a uh. a talent show.” jihoon scratches the back of his head and you look up at him. 

“you gonna be in it, hoon?” woomin asks around a mouthful of dumpling. soyoung smacks him lightly on the arm, giggling when he goes “what?”

“uh, yeah, actually. i have this new piece i’ve been working on so i figured i’d give it a shot here before i take it to anyone at work.” 

woomin nods and you squeeze jihoon’s arm. he looks at you and smiles sheepishly. “you didn’t tell me that.” you say quietly. 

jihoon shrugs. “i would have, eventually. we still have an hour before it starts anyway.” 

you nod, appeased, and lay your head on his shoulder. the four of you huddle around one of the heaters dotting the grounds and you watch as woomin and soyoung flirt and tease each other, constantly giggling and exchanging kisses. 

“baby.” jihoon whispers, “there’s something i wanted to show you.” 

you turn to him, surprised, but you nod and wave goodbye for the time being to your friends. 

jihoon leads you back towards the cocoa stand and orders two cups, handing one to you. you sip at it slowly, relishing the heat, but still you wonder what jihoon wanted to show you. he takes your hand again, and leads you into one of the empty dugouts, gesturing for you to sit. 

“does it make you uncomfortable?” he asks, swallowing a sip of his drink. “i know you must be happy for soyoung, but it must be hard seeing them happy when your own happiness got...ripped away.”

your eyes go wide and you chew your lip before you nod. “it’s not as bad as it used to be though. when him and i first broke up, soyoung wouldn’t let woomin anywhere near me because she was worried seeing her with him would just make me more upset.” you kick at a small pile of snow and sigh. “and i mean, she was right. i was so bitter in the beginning. it’s easier now, i guess, but it’s still…”

“it can be a lot.” jihoon supplies. “i get it.” 

you nod, saying nothing. jihoon, just as wordlessly, reaches out for your hand. you lean your head onto his shoulder again and the two of you sit quietly together until jihoon checks the time and tells you that it’s time to go. 

* * *

much like the talent shows of your childhood, not all of the participants are truly talented, but that’s what makes it fun. interspersed with people who are very good - the magic show is very impressive, actually - but you’re mostly excited to see jihoon. you’re not surprised when the mc announces him as the final act of the night, and you clutch the small stuffed microphone he'd won for you tightly in anticipation. 

jihoon comes onto the stage and immediately commands attention. he’s changed clothes, and it almost looks like he has makeup on, now. he’s stunning, you think.

and then he settles himself at the piano and begins to sing, and you’re stunned yourself. jihoon’s voice is beautiful, ethereal, and you’re blown away. the melody is soft and sweet, melancholic, and your heart aches. the words are moving and emotional and a little desperate, and your eyes sting with tears against the cold winter air. 

he comes back to your small group later, changed back to his clothes from earlier and carrying a few small, plastic parcels in his hands. he hands one to each of you and keeps one for himself, and chuckles nervously. “so. how was it?” 

woomin and soyoung give him earnest praise and then he turns to you, sees that your eyes are still wet, and he chuckles again, a very nervous “ha….ha...that bad, huh?”

you shake your head at him and pull him into your arms, wrapping them around his neck and holding tight. “that was beautiful.” you whisper, throat heavy with the threat of tears. “absolutely incredible, jihoon.”

he nods slowly as his arms finally react to your embrace and wrap around your waist. “thank you.” he whispers back. you pull away from him and wipe at your eyes, and his hand reaches out to wipe the trails from your cheeks, a smile on his face. 

soyoung and woomin bid the two of you goodnight, and once they’ve gone you turn to jihoon. “how about dinner somewhere indoors?”

he groans and throws his head back, making you laugh. “you have  _ no idea _ how badly i want that. how does pizza sound?”

“heavenly.” 

jihoon takes you to the pizza place he likes to go to after work, a small place nestled among coffee shops and fashion stores. it smells incredible, and better yet is how warm it is, both of you shedding layers as you settle into the booth. 

you’re both quiet as you eat, savoring both the warmth of the food and that of the restaurant. 

“so.” you say as you reach for another slice. “i think today went well.”

jihoon hums, mouth full. he swallows and sips at his coffee before he responds. “i think so too. they both seem pretty convinced.”

you nod. “yeah, but we can’t call it off yet.” you’re about to continue but jihoon sputters something about how he hadn’t been thinking that, and you laugh. “it’s alright, jihoon. i was just kinda...thinking out loud. i think after new years, maybe? sometime after that. then people will feel like we really ‘gave it our best’ and won’t hound us too much.”

“that sounds good.” jihoon nods, though he’s not really paying attention. 

“or maybe that’s too soon. the end of january would put us at about a month, but if we go longer, then valentine’s day will come into play. i mean, i dunno, i guess having someone to fake-date for valentine’s would be nice.” you trail off and take a bite of your pizza. when you look up, you notice jihoon staring at you, eyes soft. you raise your eyebrows at him, and he’s so surprised at having been caught that he chokes, seemingly on nothing. 

“i - i um - we can do this as long as you think is necessary, i guess?” he takes a sip from his water, takes a deep breath, and continues. “i’m not exactly beating them off with a stick, so to speak.”

you hum, playing with a napkin. “i’ll keep that in mind, i guess. do you have plans for new years?”

jihoon shakes his head. “not yet, i assumed woomin and soyoung would be doing a thing again and i’d go to that. unless you wanted to do something?”

“no,” you wave him off, “i had the same idea, actually. besides, it’ll be good for us to go out together, you know? ‘couple style’.” he laughs at your air quotes and you laugh too. you like being with jihoon. it feels comfortable. 

he drives you home and without thinking, you take his hand. if he seems startled, you miss it, focused instead on picking something from his playlist. he watches you fondly from the corner of his eye, one finger tapping rhythmically against the steering wheel. 

he walks you to your door, where you thank him and hug him goodbye.

jihoon walks back to his car, drives home, and sits down on his bed, head in hands. he wonders what you would have done if he’d kissed you. 

he shakes the thought from his head, and tries to sleep.

tries. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on [tumblr](https://seungcheolsbodyharness.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/carebearcoupsie)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and jihoon are both full of surprises

you find yourself standing in front of jihoon’s door a few days later. it’s christmas, now, and maybe you should have asked first, but you’d decided that morning that it’d be nice to surprise jihoon. you already know he doesn’t have plans. besides - it’s what a real girlfriend would do, after all. surprise her boyfriend with something sweet, romantic.

so you knock on his door, hear him call out that he’s coming, smile at his surprised face when he sees you standing on his tiny porch.

“did we have plans today?” he asks, surprise rendering his words sharp. he coughs, and tries again. “sorry. were we supposed to hang out today?”

“nope!” you bring your hands out in front of you from where they’d been hidden behind your back and present him with an envelope - nothing big, a pretty card with gift certificate to the record store he’s mentioned once or a few hundred times in the brief time you’ve known him. “just wanted to surprise you. merry christmas, jihoon.”

his eyes go wide and he silently motions for you to come inside. you take off your coat and shoes and settle onto his couch while he remains in the entryway, eyes staring at the card and its contents.

“you didn’t have to do that.” he mumbles. you shrug and smile at him. jihoon dismisses himself to the small office he has off the kitchen, presumably to put his present somewhere safe, but when he comes back he has a small box in his hands. he holds it out to you, not quite meeting your eyes. “sorry it’s not wrapped.”

it’s your turn to be surprised. you take the box from his hands and open it to reveal what appears to simply be a piece of fabric, but as you pull it out of the box you realize that it’s a scarf. it’s beautiful and soft, covered in delicate flowers. you aren’t sure what to say.

“my friend minghao helped me buy it.” you look up at the sound of jihoon’s voice, almost like you’d forgotten he was there. “i’m not very good at buying presents, but i thought i should get you, i dunno. something. it matches your coat.”

blinking, you turn your gaze towards the entry and think that he’s right. the scarf is same color as the coat you’d worn every time you’d met up with jihoon.

“thank you, jihoon.” you smile up at him and wrap the scarf around your neck despite the warmth of jihoon’s living room. “so - um, i was thinking we could go out and do something.”

jihoon thinks for a moment and then nods. “okay.”

* * *

the streets are unsurprisingly filled with people. everywhere you look you see couples: matching outfits, leaning closely to share quick kisses, hands clutched tightly together. for just a moment, you’re reminded of spending christmas with your ex, and then jihoon squeezes your hand and asks you if you want to get some coffee. clearing your head, you nod and allow him to lead you to a cafe that isn’t fit to bursting full of people. he tells you to find a seat and that he’ll get your drinks.

you pout, insisting that you’ll wait with him but he declines, giving your forehead a gentle flick as he laughs. “go find us a table before they’re all gone.” you pout again and insist he buy you something sweet as well. he nods, smiling, and you give in, leaving him in line while you peer around for a table.

being alone without jihoon to distract you brings back the thoughts of your ex-boyfriend once more. christmas had always been his favorite time of year, which made spending it with him that much more enjoyable.

which had made it worse when he’d broken up with you on christmas eve.

thinking back to that moment now, you know it’s for the best that you’re not together anymore. this is only your second christmas without him, immediately after not included, and while you were mostly fine throughout the year, spending christmas day alone was still hard for you.

not for the the first time, you’re tempted to check his social media - see if he’s doing something romantic with his new girlfriend. well, she isn’t new. they’d gotten together pretty quickly after your relationship’s demise.

“are you okay?”

jolting, you look up and see jihoon seated across from you. the look on his face isn’t quite worried, but it’s close enough. you laugh nervously and wave it off, “just thinking about something, don’t worry about me.” you smile at him, hoping you’re convincing. “what’d you bring me, hoonie~?”

jihoon blanches and immediately you wonder if you’ve misstepped. he blinks a few times and shakes his head as if to clear it, letting out a long breath. “my ex used to call me that. like, almost more than my name.”

“god, i’m sorry, i won’t say it again.”

jihoon waves a hand, eyes pinched. “no, no, don’t be. you can say it. i just - i dunno, i guess with all the real couples around i couldn’t help but think about her, yknow?”

you hum, nodding slowly. “yeah, i know. so - hoonie is okay? because it’s a very cute nickname.”

jihoon’s cheeks tinge pink and he shrugs. “if you want, i guess.” he slides a mug towards you, whipped cream heavy on the top. “i hope you like caramel hot chocolate.”

“i guess i’m going to find out.” you couldn’t imagine disliking it, and with that you gently bring the cup to your lips and sip slowly. the overwhelming sensation is that it’s hot, so hot, but it tastes delicious nonetheless. you swallow and set the mug back down, and jihoon’s shoulders shake with what you’re assuming is restrained laughter. “what?”

“oh, nothing.” he takes a sip of his own coffee, smirking against the rim, and you frown. using the front-camera on your phone, you realize just what it is he finds so funny.

huffing, you take a napkin from the dispenser on the table and wipe the whipped cream decorating your upper lip. “so…do you want to grab dinner, maybe? i’m sure there’s places doing couple specials tonight. we could probably get a pretty good deal.”

jihoon does laugh, then. “yeah, you’re probably right.”

the two of you finish your drinks and set back out into the cold, immediately bombarded with people handing out fliers for restaurants doing just like you’d thought - advertising couple specials for the holiday. you and jihoon take a few as you walk, figuring you can walk around some more before deciding on where to eat. the walk leads you both towards the park in the center of town, where there’s a light display. it’s nearly dark despite being late afternoon, so you both head down to see things close-up.

the lights reflect prettily on jihoon’s face as you look at several light-up santas, and you wonder if they look as nice on your own. you look over at jihoon and find him looking at you, expression unreadable. you smile at him softly, and he looks away. you follow him on the path through the displays out to the other side, where he stands waiting for you. he holds his hand out for you to take, and says, “i’m feeling in the mood for dumplings. sound good?”

you nod and let him lead you once more.

the evening goes smoothly - you and jihoon manage to keep each other distracted from your respective thoughts, laughing together over dinner and enjoying the buskers out even in the cold. jihoon gets a special, fond look on his face as you stop to watch a young man with his guitar, and you smile.

on the way back to jihoon’s, you ask him about it.

“did he remind you of yourself?”

jihoon hums. “yeah, a little bit. that’s how i got the job i have now, believe it or not. i had sent my resume and my application, of course, but on a whim i attached a youtube video of me busking from a few summers ago. the hiring manager was impressed, so here i am.”

“wow, jihoon, you’re so cool.”

jihoon lets out a little noise, almost as if he’s unused to the praise. “shut up.”

jihoon pulls into his driveway and walks with you back to your car. “for our next fake-date, i wanna take you to the record store. sound good?”

you don’t have to think before responding positively. “do you wanna do that before soyoung’s party?”

“mmm, like go to the shop and then swing by the party? we could do that.” he nods. “i had a good time today.”

“yeah! we’re getting pretty good at this date thing, huh?” you laugh and jihoon chuckles as well.

“okay, well, get home safe. i’ll text you later, okay?” you nod and he moves out of the way of your door so you can close it and drive home for the night.

finally alone with your thoughts, you find them drifting back to jihoon.

* * *

december is nearly over. the year is coming to a close.

you wake up on the thirty-first with a strange sort of dread sitting heavy in your chest, but you can’t figure out what it wants. you can’t figure out why thinking about the night ahead makes your heart clench tight.

you go about your day as if on auto-pilot: breakfast, shower, dishes, laundry, texting back and forth with jihoon and soyoung. both of them seem excited about tonight’s party. you don’t have the heart to tell them you’re not sure you feel the same way.

jihoon promised to pick you up around noon - in time for some lunch before heading out to the record shop, and then “there’s something else i want to show you.” that’s what he’d said in response to you wondering if maybe noon was too early - the party wouldn’t start until nine pm at the earliest. you’re eager to see what he has planned, though. jihoon seems too blunt to prepare surprises.

but then, he’s already disprove that.

noon rolls around and once again, jihoon is punctual and you’re running around trying to find something last minute - you let him in at the sound of the doorbell and motion towards the couch while you move quickly back to tearing your room apart.

“can you call my phone, please?” you ask, desperation obvious. “i haven’t been able to find it on my own and i don’t want to leave without it.”

jihoon nods and does as you ask, and you can hear your ringtone pinging in the living room. you scoff, annoyed because you’ve already pulled the cushions from the couch, even looking underneath, to no avail.

when you come into the living room you find jihoon on his stomach, peering into the dark abyss beneath your sofa. “it’s underneath.” he says simply, standing up and brushing himself off. he sets his own phone onto the coffee table and looks at you. “i’ll lift it up, you get under and grab your phone.”

“that’s all well and good, hoonie, but that couch is super heavy and -” jihoon ignores you in favor of doing just what he’d said he would and lifting the couch off the floor. you stand still for a few moments, shocked, before collecting yourself enough to dive to the empty space between the lifted furniture and the floor and retrieve your phone. gently as he can, jihoon sets the couch back into the floor and turns back to you, smirking. holding your phone to your chest, you can’t help but stare at him, mouth agape.

“ready to go now?”

you nod, speechless, and hurry for your coat and your purse.

jihoon will grant to himself he’s happy to see you wearing the scarf.

you get into jihoon’s car, and he drives out of the city.

“hey, you’re not taking me far away to like, kill me, right?” you’re mostly joking. mostly.

jihoon raises an eyebrow but keeps his eyes on the road. “why would i do that? people are expecting us at a party later.”

“that’s a joke, right?”

jihoon peers over at you, face blank. there’s a few beats of silence, and then he bursts out laughing, eyes turning back to the road. you slump back in your chair, immediately relieved, pouting at him.

“you think you’re so funny, don’t you?” you whine, and jihoon continues chuckling. “so where are we going, then?”

“my friend seungcheol told me about this place that has like, the best kimchi jjigae he’s ever had. and,” he draws the sound out, smile bright and mischievous. “there’s a branch of that record shop here too. it’s the original.”

you make a little ‘o’ with your mouth, nodding slowly. “i’m always down for some good jjigae.”

jihoon hums and taps his fingers on the steering wheel. “yeah, when i told cheol i wanted to head out this way he recommended it pretty quick. said he’d brought his girlfriend there once or something.” jihoon doesn’t mention the weird, suggestive faces cheol had made when telling him about the restaurant, nor does he mention the way seungcheol had kept repeating how glad he’d been he’d taken his girlfriend there.

the drive goes quickly enough - you and jihoon chat about a lot of things, somehow managing to avoid altogether the topic of the party. jihoon pulls up to the restaurant and you walk inside, and upon entry, jihoon realizes something. he keeps it to himself, in hopes that he’s wrong, but as the two of you find a seat and a woman comes up to the table to take your orders, jihoon realizes that he’s not.

“first date?” the woman asks, smile small but somehow knowing.

“oh, no.” you tell her, smiling. “we’ve been together a few weeks now. it is our first trip out of the city together, though!”

“ahh, i see. are you here for the kimchi jjigae?” her smile is warm and reminds you of your mother, but jihoon can only think of seungcheol’s smug, knowing face.

“yeah. a friend recommended it.” jihoon’s voice is low, almost sullen. the woman raises an eyebrow at him but quickly returns her attention to you.

“our kimchi beef dumplings are also the best in the area. you’ll have some of those?” she says it like a question, but it doesn’t carry the feeling of one. which is fine. you’re always down for good dumplings, too.

“that sounds great, thank you.”

she leaves the two of you alone at the table, so you turn your attention to jihoon. “are you…like, okay?”

jihoon sighs. he’s about to say something before the woman is back, setting side dishes down onto the table.

“you know,” she says, “our restaurant has a reputation among couples.”

“oh?” you ask, raising your eyebrows at jihoon.

“that’s right. couples who eat here and eat the kimchi jjigae never break up.” she smiles slyly at jihoon, who isn’t looking at you or the proprietor, and then walks away promising to bring your dumplings soon.

“i didn’t know, i swear.” jihoon blurts. your eyebrows remain raised at him, and he continues. “okay, so, i realized it like, as soon as we got here because i remembered cheol talking about it over and over and fucking over again after he came here last year, and then we got here and i saw his stupid picture on their couple wall. i wasn’t - it’s not like that, i swear.”

you laugh a little, and then it turns into a full stomach laugh. jihoon’s eyes go wide and he’s not sure if you’re laughing at his misfortune in the misunderstanding or at something else, but he figures it’s probably best to wait your laughter out, hoping that you’ll tell him. eventually it subsides, and you sigh before a few residual chuckles slip out. “it’s - it’s okay, jihoon, i’m not mad, it’s just that it seems like even after we’ve ‘gotten together’ people can’t stop interfering in our relationship.” you take a sip of your water and smile at him. “besides, if the jjigae is magic, it won’t work on us. we’re not really a couple.”

jihoon’s face lights up and he says “oh. you’re right.” even as a ‘couple’, seungcheol had seen fit to nose his way into your relationship. “i’ll probably kill him tonight. maybe. maybe some other time.”

“definitely after the jjigae though. magic or not, i bet it’s delicious.”

jihoon laughs. “i bet you’re right.”

your food gets brought out, dumplings and jjigae both, and the woman smiles sweetly at you as she sets it down. “it’s meant to be shared, of course. enjoy.”

you and jihoon smile politely back and then dig in, food just as delicious as you’d been promised. relationship magic be damned, the taste of it could be described as nothing other than magical.

“so, before you kill seungcheol for meddling,” you say after the meal is done, the two of you on your way back out to jihoon’s car, “you should still thank him for sending us here. that really was the best kimchi jjigae i’ve ever had.” you pat your stomach happily - you felt too-full, but in the good way.

jihoon huffs, tapping the address of the record shop into the gps on his phone. “i’ll keep that in mind.”

it’s only a short drive from the restaurant to the record shop, which despite the early saturday afternoon is nearly empty.

“good,” jihoon says when you mention the lack of shopgoers. “it’s easier to think and find something good when there aren’t people hovering around.”

you stand back while jihoon does his thing - thumbing through records with a concentrated look on his face: brows drawn together, lip stuck between his teeth. his mouth quirks to one side and you think he may be biting the inside of his cheek, eyes flitting up to a nearby shelf before he walks over to it. he searches through the stock here, too, and you wonder if maybe he’s looking for something specific. he finishes at the shelf and when he turns to look for more, he catches you watching him.

“aren’t you going to look for something?” he asks, eyebrows raised.

you shake your head. “records aren’t really my thing. i just knew you really wanted to come. besides, i like watching you look. you’re so…in your element here.”

something twists in jihoon’s chest and he turns away from you before you can see the blush rising on his cheeks. sensing that you’ve embarrassed him, you turn away and begin thumbing through the collection of records behind you. you get distracted looking at the cover art, careful not to treat any merchandise with disrespect, and it’s quite a few minutes later that you peer out of the corner of your eye you and notice that jihoon has left this section of the store, wandered off somewhere else, but you’re enjoying yourself where you are. jihoon knows where he left you, you figure, he’ll come find you when he’s done.

he does exactly that a few minutes later, after you’ve moved to another rack to look at more albums.

“i thought you weren’t into records?” he asks, tone soft.

you shrug your shoulders, still looking at the album in your hands. the art is so simplistic - just a small cloud on a blue sky background and nothing more. “i don’t.” you respond, putting the record back and turning to face him. “but i liked looking at the covers, i guess.”

jihoon knows this, though. while you’d been absorbed with cover art and he’d been wandering, he’d come back by the section you’d been in to check on you, make sure you weren’t standing there alone and unsure of what to do. unintentionally he had gotten stuck watching you browsing just like you had watched him, and he had seen you poring over a particular cover for a number of minutes before putting it back. and even after that, you had ended up going back to it, fingers tracing delicately over the artwork.

jihoon had wandered off again after that, deciding it best to leave you to it until either you sought him out or he finished his shopping, whichever came first.

which brought the two of you to the moment at hand. jihoon stood before you with a few bags in his hands, one of which he wordlessly holds out to you. assuming he just wants you to hold it you take the bag from him and start heading for the exit, and jihoon follows you back to the car, where you both place the shop bags into the backseat. checking the clock on the dashboard, it’s already a little after four, and the drive back to the city will take about an hour and a half which leaves you with hours still to go before the party. the two of you settle in, jihoon sets up the gps once more, and you hit the road.

“so was there anything else you wanted to do before the party?” you ask. “there’s not really a point in you dropping me off at home just to come pick me back up later, you know?”

“yeah, i told you earlier, remember? there’s something i want to show you. i don’t know if it’ll take like, three hours, but…we’ll see.”

oh. you had assumed the “something” had been the restaurant, or perhaps even the original branch of the record shop he loved so much in seoul. “what is it, hoonie?”

jihoon looks at you from the corner of his eye and smirks. “you’ll see.”

you groan. “haven’t you surprised me enough for one day? first the day trip, then the magic jjigae, now what?”

“you’ll see.” jihoon repeats smoothly. “also, the magic jjigae wasn’t - i already told you i didn’t realize where cheol was sending us.”

“i’m just teasing, hoonie. i trust you.” you smile at him brightly before turning back to your phone, scrolling through your twitter feed. smiling to yourself, you turn quickly and snap a picture of jihoon to post online.

* * *

jihoon drives deep into the heart of the city, into the underground parking lot of a building you’ve never seen before - not before saying hello to the man working the security gate. he pulls the badge hanging from his rear view mirror and throws it over his neck, taking you by the hand as he leads you to the elevator. he swipes his badge to get the elevator going to a specific floor, absentmindedly rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand as the two of you travel upwards.

you step out once the doors open, jihoon leading the way. the guard working the desk looks up from his book and smiles big and wide at the sight of jihoon.

“evening, mr. lee!” he waves and jihoon waves back as he comes to a stop in front of the desk. “and who is this?”

“ah, this is my girlfriend.” he introduces you to the guard, who introduces himself as “dongsoo, miss!” and exclaims at how nice it is to meet you.

“dongsoo only works weekends, lucky bastard.” jihoon grumbles goodnaturedly.

dongsoo laughs. “that may be so, but no one forces you to come in on saturdays, mr. lee.”

jihoon shrugs. “i work best here. i get too…comfortable at home. and will you please just call me jihoon.” dongsoo smiles at that.

you raise an eyebrow at jihoon but say nothing. the two of you say goodbye to dongsoo as jihoon leads you down a long hallway lined with doors, going down until he reaches door 0526.

“this is me.” he says, voice soft, sliding up the keypad and putting in the passcode. he opens the door and leads you inside, revealing a small studio lit only by soft purple neon lighting.

“do you always work in the dark? that’s bad for your eyes.” you say it without thinking, but it’s true, and when jihoon doesn’t respond to turn towards him to see if you’ve maybe made him mad. he’s looking at you, clearly shocked. “what?”

he blinks, cocking his head back and scratching the back of his head. “no, it’s just that no one has really ever said anything like that. i mean….i don’t really bring people here, to be fair. woomin has been once or twice…seungcheol comes up and bothers me constantly even though he definitely has better things to be doing in his own department. a few others here and there. but everyone just talks about how cool the neon is.”

“well, yeah, it’s cool, but i bet you get headaches all the time.” you take a seat on the couch as jihoon plops himself into his computer chair.

he hums. “yeah…i do, actually.” you put your hands up as if to say “see, i told you.” and jihoon laughs. “yeah, okay, i’ll look into getting some better lights.”

“good. i’m glad.” you play with your scarf as jihoon logs into his computer and opens a few programs before turning back to you.

“i want to play something for you, if that’s okay.”

“oh!” you probably shouldn’t be as surprised as you feel. you are in his studio, after all. “okay, sure, go ahead. i mean, you should probably know i can’t give the kind of feedback you really need, since i’m not like, into music, but -”

jihoon puts up a hand to stop you. “it’s okay, you don’t need to give me any sort of feedback, i just…i just want you to hear it.” you nod, and jihoon clicks a few buttons, and the small room fills with music.

the tune is slow, and sweet, and you recognize jihoon’s voice immediately as it comes in over the instrumentals. jihoon’s voice and the music behind it build slowly, a quiet force by the time the chorus comes in for the first time, followed by a decrescendo of the music as jihoon’s voice stays strong. the instrumentals rise once more as the chorus approaches again, jihoon singing words of anguished adoration. the song ends softly, gently, fading off into silence followed by the click of jihoon’s mouse. he turns to look at you, almost shy. “so, i know i said you didn’t need to give me feedback, but um - did you like it, at least?”

you bite at your lip, blinking a few times before you answer. “ye-yeah, jihoon, it -” your eyes meet his and his face is like stone. clearly your opinion on this means more than he lets on. “it’s beautiful. it’s - it’s so sad, jihoon.” he nods, biting at his own lip. “is it - it’s about -?” you can’t bring yourself to finish. it doesn’t matter, he knows what you mean.

“yeah, it’s about her.” he runs his fingers through his hair and sighs. “i’ve written dozens of songs since our breakup, but…this one, this stupid song, has been giving me nothing but trouble. i’ve been determined to finish it but i kept getting stuck.” he turns and looks at you. “until the other day. uh, christmas. after you left i went back in and poured…a lot of feelings into this stupid song. so much came bubbling up i…i worked all night at it but…it’s done. it has no power over me, anymore.”

you get the feeling he’s referring to more than just this song, but you keep it to yourself. “so…can i ask? why was it so important to show it to me? i would have heard it eventually, probably. in the top 40s or something.”

jihoon laughs. “because without you and the christmas date, i don’t think i ever would have finished it. i wanted to…thank you, i guess.” he checks the time on the computer monitor. nearly six-thirty. he turns back to you. “do you want to see what else i’m working on? we can get delivery if you get hungry, and then we’ll go at like nine. soyoung won’t forgive us if we don’t show up. or we can go do something else. it doesn’t matter to me. at all. really.”

you laugh. he’s definitely right about soyoung.

“no, jihoon, it’s okay. i like watching you work. show me everything.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and jihoon make your way to soyoung’s NYE party. everything is going just fine, until a pair of someones make a surprise, unwanted appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's in the tags but: warnings for alcohol use and mild violence  
enjoy!!!

nine o’clock comes quicker than you anticipated.

you and jihoon had spent the last few hours huddled together in his studio while jihoon showed you how he did his job - producing, songwriting, a little bit of everything. 

the smile on his face as he explained everything had been electric, drawing you in with every word and gesture. you tried your hardest to follow along, but jihoon spoke quickly when excited. it was obvious how much he loved his work. 

nine o’clock rolls around with a timely text from soyoung, confirming your attendance since no one had heard from you or jihoon since lunchtime. you text her back to soothe her worry and apologize, saying that you and jihoon had been busy and you’d see her soon. 

“guess we should get going.” you stand and stretch, muscles stiff from sitting too long. jihoon does the same, letting out a content little sigh. “do you normally sit for that long? it can’t be good for your back.”

he hums, rolling his shoulders. “i try not to, but…i have a tendency to get sucked into my work. i see a chiropractor pretty regularly, and i uh…stretch and go for a walk for food, usually.” he twists to one side and you hear a small ‘pop’ and does the same in the other direction. he gathers his things and you yours, and then he leads you out of the studio and back down the hallway. 

“besides, seungcheol always comes down from upstairs and makes me get up and walk around with him so he can talk stuff out.” jihoon nods to the guard at the desk - dongsoo has left for the night, and the guard here looks much less friendly. but perhaps he’s just mad about working on new years eve. 

“so you and seungcheol are close?” you ask as you enter the elevator. jihoon’s face pinches up like he’s thinking too hard, and you can’t help but laugh. “i just didn’t get to meet many of your friends at the carnival. and i already knew woomin, obviously.”

“seungcheol isn’t a baseball friend. actually, of my like…friends that i see regularly, none of them play baseball with me. which is probably for the best.” he steps out of the elevator when you come to a halt in the garage and leads the way towards the car. “i’ve known him a long, long time though. since high school. we were in choir together, actually.” without hesitating, jihoon opens your door before walking around the front of the car to the driver’s side. 

you hop in and close the door as he does the same, starting the car. “so he works here with you? what does he do?”

“he’s a personal trainer for the idols and actors in the company.” he pulls the car out onto the street, joining the evening traffic. soyoung lives not too far from the city center, so even with traffic you’ve arrived pretty quick. 

before you can go in, though, jihoon says, “uhhh,” which catches your attention, so you look at him expectantly. “so, i don’t really drink, so if you want to get like, you know, shit-faced, i’ll make sure you get home safe.”

your eyes go wide, thinking for a moment maybe he’s giving it up for your sake. “are you sure? i can contain myself.”

he waves you off, though. “i really, genuinely don’t drink that much so holding off isn’t a huge deal.” he shrugs and looks away, flicking an invisible piece of dust from the steering wheel. “and i think that, yknow, as your ‘boyfriend’, i should make sure that you’re safe.” he laughs nervously. “soyoung will kill me if i let anything bad happen to you.”

your face softens and you pat his arm gently. “yeah, i guess you’re right. sounds good. i’ll try to keep myself under control anyway.”

jihoon nods and gets out of the car, hustling around to your side to open your door. you step out and onto the slick ground, arm instinctively reaching for jihoon’s when your feet slide underneath you. he wraps an arm around your waist to steady you, and you blush softly, thanking him.

“don’t worry about it.” he replies. once you’re steady, he releases you and takes your hand in his own, the two of you walking side by side towards soyoung’s door.

jihoon doesn’t bother to knock, twisting the doorknob and walking straight inside instead. you follow him, announcing loudly to soyoung that you’d arrived. her head peeks out from the wall separating the kitchen from the living room and she smiles at the two of you, face already a little pink.

“hey lovebirds.” she coos as the two of you leave your coats and shoes at the door. “have a nice day together~?“ 

"yeah, nosy, we did.” you glance sidelong at jihoon and smile softly, which he returns. you lead the way to the living room- hands now rejoined having shed your layers - where a number of people have already gathered, drinks in hand. most of them you recognize, some of them you don’t, but jihoon seems to be familiar with the faces you are not, so you assume you’ll get to know them eventually. 

you and jihoon snag a spot on the giant beanbag soyoung has pulled out from the computer room, ending up somewhat snuggled together - jihoon leans back against the wall, one leg pulled up beneath him, one arm wrapped around your back and his hand nestled gently on your waist. the two of you manage to seamlessly join the conversation, and being with jihoon like this feels comfortable. feels easy, even pressed up together like you are. once again, you think about how glad you are the two of you came together like this, how you seemed to find each other right when you really, really needed it. if you had to do something like this with anyone, it feels right that it’s jihoon. 

you’re pulled from your thoughts when jihoon leans in towards you, saying, “hey, do you want something to drink? i’m gonna get a coke." 

you nod, asking him for a cup of whatever concoction soyoung has brewed up, and he nods back as he pulls himself up off the beanbag to make his way into the kitchen. more people pour in through the door while he’s gone, and you follow along with the story soonyoung - a childhood friend of woomin and jihoon’s who you’ve met before - is telling about finding his boyfriend face down in a pile of snow first thing that morning, laughing when soonyoung reveals that he’d gone out there, drunk, crying about frosty the snowman. jihoon comes back to you, balancing your drink, his drink, and a plate of snacks that he sets down on the beanbag between you after handing you your drink.

* * *

sometime later, after nearly everyone has arrived, someone (likely seungcheol, who you’ve been properly introduced to now) suggests playing a drinking game. you’re excited to play, actually, considering your confidence in your ability to follow things along even intoxicated. jihoon also seems excited, and when you question his thrill he tells you it’s always fun to watch people get really shitfaced and make fools of themselves. 

"you won’t let me make a fool of myself, will you baby?” you ask, pouting up at him. he flushes and laughs, running a hand over the back of his neck. 

“no, baby, of course i won’t.” he says softly, sipping at his drink. 

“are you going to play too?” you ask. he raises his eyebrows, shrugs. 

“i mean, i’m not drinking, so…no?” you pout at him, more dramatically, and he turns away from you. “what? don’t give me that face.”

“you can play with your soda.” you whine. “i want you to play, hoonie. please?”

“yeah, hoonie.” comes a chorus of voices. jihoon turns a glare at seungcheol, soonyoung, and hoseok in turn, who are all laughing together at the kitchen counter. “play with us!” seungcheol whines, and jihoon’s jaw tenses. you reach out to him, about to tell him not to worry about it when he sighs. 

“fine.” he looks back at you, pointedly ignoring the cheers coming from his friends. “i’ll play along for you, baby.”

you smile at him, bright, grabbing his arm and squeezing. “good!!! it’s going to be fun, just you wait.”

the game, it turns out, is truth or dare. there is a mixed chorus of groans and cheers, but you all settle into a circle as best as you can in the living room, everyone with either a fresh drink or one at the ready. it is quickly decided that the game will be played with an app from soyoung’s phone - spinning a bottle seems almost too juvenile. 

the first few rounds pass quickly - you and jihoon both manage to escape the randomizer’s grasp while some others aren’t so lucky. sohee - seungcheol’s girlfriend - has somehow managed to be picked three times, two of which she’d chosen to drink instead of answering the “truth”s that she’d been asked. 

it’s on the seventh - maybe eighth? - go-round that soyoung laughs heartily and calls out your name. your eyes go wide, and you nod, and turn slowly to face soonyoung, whose smile is too wide for your liking. 

“truth or dare?” he asks, eyes slowly flitting between you and jihoon.

“truth.” you respond quickly, clutching nervously to the rim of your cup. you can feel jihoon’s hand at your back, thumb rubbing idly back and forth. 

“what is something about jihoon that you like better than your ex?” 

jihoon’s hand freezes on your back and soyoung squawks something about how “that’s not cool, soonie,” but you respond before anyone can kick up too much of a fuss.

“he doesn’t make me second-guess how he feels about me. with my ex i was always…yeah. i know where jihoon and i stand.” you take a sip of your drink to have something to do, but you feel good about your answer. soonyoung seems pleased as well, and the game continues. jihoon’s hand resumes its idle motion at your back. 

he takes a sip from his drink as he watches the game, staying mostly quiet except to quip or laugh at something someone else says. every now and then he leans over to check in on you, whispering “doin’ okay?” and waiting patiently for you to nod. 

the game continues and as people drink more, the dares and the questions grow more ridiculous and scandalous. seungcheol gets dared to stand outside in just his shirt and underwear for a full minute, soyoung confesses that before meeting woomin she had never thought she’d settle down and love one person forever. you laugh when she says that, because you know for a fact that it’s true. before woomin, soyoung had insisted she would never be tied down, no man would ever come between her and her goals. hoseok gets dared to call the person he wants to sleep with the most, and with a chorus of hollering in the background, he steps into the kitchen to make the call. 

he steps back out a few minutes later, cheeks tinged pink from more than just alcohol and a big grin on his face. 

“i’ll see you guys later.” he says, bringing the bottles and cups he’d used into the kitchen. “i have someone special waiting for me.”

jeers follow him to the door, shouts of “use protection!” and “get it!” among other things until the front door closes behind him. 

the group erupts into gossip, people wondering who he could have called, shouting out names of possibilities. 

jihoon stands and goes into the kitchen for a new drink and brings one back for you as well, setting it down next to his feet for whenever you were ready for it. he leans over close to you, turning his face away from the rest of the group to whisper, “they’re all wrong. he met someone at the gym last week that he’s been losing it over ever since. he’s gonna be embarrassed by this story later, that he only got the courage to call on a drunk dare.” he pulls back and laughs under his breath, and you giggle too. “it’s a secret for some reason though, so don’t tell anyone.”

you nod, solemn, and jihoon laughs again. 

everyone settles down and soyoung starts the game back up.

* * *

the thing with drinking games is that no one ever drinks only when their turn comes - people sip absentmindedly from the drinks in their hands, getting drunker along with everyone else, and because of that everyone in the room - save for jihoon - was already well on the way to being smashed. 

11:30 

the game breaks a couple more times, and when it comes back together now, soonyoung’s face is pinched and geared towards jihoon, eyes full of suspicion. 

“how come - hic - this whole time, hoon hasn’t - hic - gone yet? m’gon ask somethin’ real good.”

soyoung squints and scrolls through the app on her phone, mouth drawing into a tiny ‘o’. “i forgot!!!!” she cries. “i didn’ put him on the - the list.”

around you, everyone groans and complains and jihoon tenses beside you. slowly, you look up at him and see his brows drawn and his mouth in a tight line. “hoonie?” you whisper. he looks down at you and blinks, smiling reassuringly after wiping the annoyance from his face. 

“i’m fine, baby.” he says. 

“jihoon has to answer three because he hasn’t gone!” seungcheol demands, lifting his beer into the air dramatically. jihoon rolls his eyes as everyone seems to agree. 

“fine. go ahead, drunkards.” he puts his hands out as if to say “do your worst.” you hope for his sake that they don’t, but soonyoung and seungcheol look much too pleased. 

“truth or dare, hoon.” seungcheol takes it upon himself to nab one of the three questions.

“truth.”

“what,” seungcheol starts, is the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?”

jihoon sighs and rolls his eyes. “finding out minji cheated on me through social media. from someone else.” his tone is cold and distant and he finishes the though with a sip of his coke. “what’s next?”

seokmin - an actor friend from jihoon and seungcheol’s company - shoots his hand into the air. “truth or dare!” jihoon looks at him with something resembling fondness and responds this time with dare. something bubbles in your stomach, nerves maybe, but jihoon seems unworried. “i dare you to look into your girlfriend’s eyes for a full minute and say something romantic.”

a few boos sound out at this, but there is also laughter, and jihoon huffs out a sigh as he thinks about it. 

“fine.” he decides. “someone get a timer.”

someone announces that they’re on it, and jihoon turns his body to face you straight on. his cheeks are the slightest bit flushed, almost as if he’d been drinking, but you know better. whoever has the timer says “start!” and jihoon’s eyes meet yours. 

you’re not sure what you’re feeling. you’ve had quite a bit to drink, and your head was already feeling fuzzy before you found yourself staring into the eyes of your fake-beloved. but now, seeing the warmth there, you feel your body heat up and your heart pound faster. he says nothing, not yet, but he smiles at you softly and you smile back, muscles moving on automatic. 

whoever’s holding the timer announces, “30 seconds left!”

jihoon’s heart feels like it’s going to hammer out of his chest - he wonders if anyone else can hear it. of course seokmin would think up a dare so sweet, and soft, and jihoon knew better than to take a drink in the face of a challenge so seemingly easy. it wasn’t a secret that jihoon wasn’t the most romantic- not in the loud, typical ways, anyway. the ones society deemed more important. looking directly into your eyes spurs a number of thoughts in his head, but he isn’t sure how safe it is to say them out loud. 

“10 seconds!”

jihoon takes a deep breath and lets it out. he blinks a few times, bites his lip. “i’m so happy that i met you.” he says softly. “i hope this - this thing we have - works out in all the ways we want it to.”

you smile at him, fond. the timer goes off and people start to complain that his words weren’t enough, but you turn to them sharply and say that it meant a lot to you.

“and i’m his girlfriend, so my opinion is the one that matters.”

jihoon reaches out and squeezes your hand before settling himself back against the edge of the beanbag, his arm wrapping around your waist. 

“who’s next?” he asks. his eyes flit over to soonyoung, who seems lost in thought. sober, that’s usually not a good sign. but drunk and in the middle of a game of truth or dare makes jihoon nervous. 

“truth or dare?” soonyoung asks. jihoon takes his time before deciding, considering soonyoung with a heavy look. 

“truth.” he decides, eyes narrowed, hand clenching around the drink he held. 

soonyoung smiles, more of a smirk, and jihoon’s stomach sinks. “tell us, jihoon.” he drums his fingers together, pausing surely for effect. “if you had to pick between one month into your last relationship, or the one you have now, which one would you say has been better so far?”

jaws around the room drop, and jihoon nearly crushes the can in his hand.

soonyoung’s eyes pop, and you’re not looking but you’re sure the look jihoon is giving him isn’t pleasant. 

seungcheol starts to speak up, but soonyoung is already backtracking. “nevermind it was a bad idea, i’ll -”

“now.” 

soonyoung’s mouth hangs open, surprised. a chorus of “huh?” makes its way around the room and back to jihoon, whose jaw is set and cheeks are red. 

“now. i would pick what i have now over anything with minji. it doesn’t matter how good things were before, she ruined that.” jihoon stands abruptly, walking towards the front door. as quickly as you can on unsteady legs, you stand yourself and follow him. he pulls his coat on and says nothing until you do.

“are you leaving?” you ask quietly. despite what you’d said earlier, you suddenly feel very unsure of yourself. 

jihoon looks up at you, almost as if he hadn’t noticed you there. “no - no, i just…need to step outside for a minute. i wouldn’t leave without you.” 

you nod slowly and reach for your own coat, your scarf and shoes. jihoon protests, if only mildly, but you ignore them and lead the way outside. 

11:45

you and jihoon stand outside together in silence, leaning against his car. 

it’s you that breaks it.

“she really hurt you, huh.” it’s less of a question and more of an observation. jihoon hums in response, but you hadn’t expected much more than that. “i’m really sorry, hoonie.”

jihoon hums again, then lets out a short bark of laughter. “the only one who should be sorry is my ex. and yours, i’m assuming.”

you sigh. “haejoon is the last thing i want to think about right now.”

jihoon nods. “right, right - sorry.”

the silence returns, and you play with a loose string on your glove. 

“i wasn’t - i would pick our fake relationship anyway.” jihoon says suddenly. “i know i made it sound like it was only because she cheated on me, but really, what you and i have is way better. even if it’s…fake.” there’s something in the way he says in that has your heart clenching, but you’re not sure what.

the icy weather has done well to sober you up, but you’re still definitely drunk. too drunk try and parse out what jihoon might or might not mean. 

“we should kiss.” you say, eyes trained on that damn loose string. jihoon makes a choking noise beside you. “at midnight, i mean. the other couples definitely will.”

jihoon stares at you for a few moments before he says anything. it seems he, too, is trying to decide if it’s worth it to find any deeper meaning in your words. “are you sure?” is what he goes with, instead.

“yeah, i think we’ll get too much shit if we don’t.” jihoon reaches out and plucks the loose string off clean, laying it in your palm. “thanks.”

“if you really think we should…” jihoon says softly. 

“if you’re worried i’m just….dunno, drunk, i’ve been thinking about this for a while. just…forgot.” you shrug.

jihoon’s chest caves in. you’ve been thinking about kissing him? he clenches and unclenches his fists, urging himself not to look too deep. it makes sense. these things needed consideration for your ruse to really fool anyone. of course you’d thought about it, it was a logical thing to do. nothing more.

“okay.” he says. “sounds like a plan.” 

“cool.” you return. “glad we’re on the same page.” you shiver, lips trembling, and suggest going back inside. “do you feel better now, hoonie?”

he nods. “yeah, yeah i do. thanks for coming out here with me.”

you nod back and reach out, taking his hand in yours. 

11:55

once returning inside, soonyoung plies jihoon with apologies, reaching out with attempts at hugs that jihoon maneuvers himself away from. the beanbag has been taken over by two people you don’t recognize, locked in a heated kiss, so you manage to squeeze onto an empty spot on the couch. there’s only room for one of you, really, so you end up in jihoon’s lap. 

soyoung has turned the tv to the channel homing the ball drop, a counter at the bottom of the screen detailing only three minutes left now until the end of the year. you hold your drink in your hand, other arm wrapped around jihoon’s shoulders for stability.

* * *

11: 59

the final countdown begins. 

the thirty second mark sparks a cheer amongst the crowd in soyoung’s living room. 

you toss back as much of your drink as you can handle. the closer you get to kissing jihoon the tighter your stomach and chest begin to feel. it’s almost worse that the feelings aren’t bad, necessarily. you almost welcome them. 

you take another swig.

ten seconds left.

nine.

eight.

seven.

six.

five.

four. 

three.

two.

one.

around you, the room erupts into cheers as music starts playing, fireworks to be heard from out on the street.

your heart pounds in your ears, and you turn to face jihoon. he looks calm, and it calms the restless beating. you lean down as he tilts his head up, and you press your lips softly to his. 

you’re not sure why you were so worried about this kiss. kissing jihoon, much like every other part of your fake relationship, feels fine. feels good, even. you might almost say it feels natural, but you’re drunk so you don’t dwell on it too much. the kiss is soft, and sweet, and reminds you a lot of first kisses you’ve had in the past. jihoon’s lips move gently against yours, and you respond in kind. the cheers from the rest of the party continue as you pull away from him. you laugh, and he laughs too, bright sounds bubbling up from both of you as jihoon wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you closer. soyoung and woomin are still going at it near the kitchen counter, and numerous other couples can be spotted doing the same as you glance around the room. 

“jihoon.” you say softly, tugging at his arm, “i need to pee, let me up.”

“ah.” he releases you and helps you stand on wobbly legs so you can wade through the crowd towards the little hall where the bathroom is. a few jeers follow you, but you ignore them - the pressure in your bladder is much more important. 

you finish and wash your hands, opening the door to, surprisingly, find jihoon waiting.

“do you have to pee too?” you ask. he has had a lot of soda to drink, to be fair.

“no, no.” he shakes his head. “i um -”

jihoon doesn’t get to finish what he wanted to say.

from the living room you can hear soyoung screaming obscenities, and alarm bells go off in your head immediately, rushing from the hall with jihoon at your heels to see what was wrong.

you immediately wish you’d just stayed in the hallway.

there, standing in the living room, is soyoung, held back by woomin who looks as if he’d much rather let her go. standing opposite your best friend is someone you thought you’d never see again. someone you’d spent so much time trying to move past after he’d made you question everything you’d ever done.

standing opposite soyoung is haejoon. your ex-boyfriend. who’s decided not only to crash soyoung’s party, but to bring his girlfriend with him. 

“how fucking dare you,” soyoung is screaming, “what makes you think i would let you into my home after what you did?”

“that goes for you too, minji.” woomin seethes, eyes narrowed at haejoon’s girlfriend. 

the aura of the room is filled with hate, and anger, but you’re just filled with unbelievable sadness. 

then haejoon sees you, and he smirks. “well, fancy seeing you here.”

“i was invited.” you say meekly. you hate this, hate the way he makes you feel even after all this time. small and weak and unsure of yourself. 

he shrugs. “well, the party we were at before was a bust, and soyoung has always thrown a good party, so i thought we would drop by.” the girl he’s with smiles, something full of spite and malice, her eyes narrowed at you. 

“that’s your ex, babe?” she simpers. “no wonder you broke up with her.” she titters a ridiculous little laugh behind her hand, and haejoon chuckles before telling her to “behave.”

you feel like you’re going to throw up. soyoung looks like she’s ready to claw this girl’s eyes out - her name is already gone from your memory, she isn’t important, she’s not - and several of the men in the room have stood and are moving closer to haejoon. you don’t want things to get violent, not at all, but you do kind of wish someone would punch haejoon’s lights out. 

and then jihoon is stepping out from behind you, making his way through the crowd until he’s standing face to face with haejoon. haejoon’s girlfriend is staring at him, eyes wide and face gone pale like she’s seen a ghost.

“so you’re haejoon.” jihoon’s voice is eerily calm and your heart is pounding so hard it feels like it might burst out of your chest any moment. 

haejoon nods, looking jihoon up and down. “and you are?”

jihoon’s eyes glance towards the girlfriend, who won’t meet his gaze. “i’m surprised she didn’t tell you.” he turns back to haejoon. “i’m minji’s ex-boyfriend. the one she cheated on to be with you. did she ever tell you that? that she had to lie and sneak and hurt people to go out with you?”

you feel like your world is going to explode. you need a drink. you need ten drinks. but jihoon doesn’t seem to be done.

haejoon scoffs.“she told me, yeah. right after she dumped you. by then you guys were over, so what does it matter to me?”

jihoon sees red. “you’re a piece of shit. both of you. you deserve each other.” his fists are clenching at either side and the whole room seems to be holding its breath. 

“what’s your fucking problem, dude?” haejoon raises his eyebrows. “i didn’t do anything to you.”

jihoon considers this. his fists clench tighter. “no, i suppose not intentionally. you did, however, hurt someone very important to me.”

haejoon seems thrown off by that. and then his balance is thrown off when jihoon rears back and punches him straight in the jaw, knocking him back towards the wall.

“jihoon!” minji screeches. he ignores her and stalks towards haejoon.

“you both need to get out of here while i’m still being nice.” jihoon seethes. “you’re a piece of shit boyfriend and a piece of shit altogether, so i guess i’m glad you two found your way to each other. but,” he points back towards you, eyes locked with haejoon. “before you go, you owe my girlfriend a fucking apology for how you treated her.”

you start to tell jihoon that it’s fine, you’re fine, but he turns back towards you with determination in his eyes before turning back to haejoon.

“i’m waiting.”

haejoon is, by all means, much larger than jihoon. regardless of this, he’s always been a coward with only self-preservation to drive him, so he glances over jihoon’s shoulder at you and nods his head.

“i’m sorry.”

“that’s not good enough.” jihoon bites out. 

“i’m sorry i was a shitty boyfriend, okay? i treated you bad and i was talking to other girls while we were dating and i should have broken up with you sooner.”

jihoon punches him again, right in the gut. “that’s not a fucking apology, i ought to-” jihoon stops speaking when you let out a choked sob, and makes the choice to leave haejoon doubled over and instead move back towards you. woomin takes the opportunity to let soyoung go, and she rushes forward to grab haejoon by the ear and drag him towards the door. minji makes to follow, but you call out to her this time.

jihoon, much like everyone else in the room, looks surprised.

“you owe jihoon an apology too, you bitch. i know you never gave him one.”

she narrows her eyes at you and walks away, and now in addition to the unbridled sadness there is unimaginable rage boiling under your skin. you start to walk towards her but jihoon holds you back, wrapping his arms around you and whispering into your ear. 

“it’s fine.” he murmurs. “i’m not worth that kind of trouble.”

you scoff before wrapping your arms up around his shoulders. “what, and i am?” you whisper back, laying your head in his neck. 

“of course.”

you chuckle, but it ends up paving the way for a sob. you’re still reeling from everything that just happened, and seeing haejoon had been enough of a slap in the face before he’d opened his goddamned mouth and -

“sweetheart.” comes soyoung’s voice, soft. “why don’t you let jihoon take you home, okay?" 

you turn your head to look at her, and she looks like she’s ready to cry herself. you hate that the party has turned out this way. you can’t help feeling like it was all your fault. 

"i - i want to stay.” you reply. “i just - i need a few minutes.”

soyoung shakes her head. “i think after all that excitement it’s best we call it a night. go home, drink lots of water, and call me tomorrow, okay?”

behind her, woomin is rounding everyone up and herding them towards the door. no one seems upset, but you still feel awful. your lip wobbles and soyoung reaches out to tuck some hair behind your ear. 

you promise to call her and release your hold on jihoon, sniffling and rubbing at your nose. everyone else is gone now, you notice. jihoon takes you by the hand and brings you to the door, helping you back into your shoes and coat. now that everything is over, you just feel…numb. it’s probably shock, you think. 

you say goodbye and once more promise soyoung you’ll call her, waving goodbye to woomin. jihoon does the same, and then you’re back out into the cold and heading for his car. he helps you up before getting in himself, and there’s only quiet between you other than the sound of the car engine turning over and music playing from the bluetooth. he pulls out of their driveway and onto the street, and it’s not until you’re out on the main road that he says anything. 

“are you hungry?” 

you look over at him, not really sure. you shrug. the two of you had eaten a light dinner, and there’d been food at the party, but you find yourself sort of…craving something, if only so you don’t have to talk. 

“do you mind if we stop somewhere on the way - “

“i don’t want to go home, jihoon.” you say softly. “not - not right now. can we just - drive around for a while?”

jihoon blinks, caught off guard, but nods. “sure. then we should definitely eat something.”

* * *

you end up at a 7-11, which works just fine for you. jihoon peruses snacks and sandwiches while you bee-line for the liquor - desperate to distract yourself from the ache beginning to gnaw fiercely at your insides. you grab three bottles of soju - surprised that there are any left - and march up to the counter, handing over your id and your money, thanking the clerk before wandering back to jihoon. he has a few bags of chips and some instant ramen tucked into his arm, and when he sees your bag his brows draw together. 

“i’m not trying to tell you what to do, but is that - are you sure that’s a good idea right now?” he asks, trying his best to show that he’s concerned, not bossy. 

you sigh. “i wanted to drink more anyway. it’s - i would have drank more at the party.”

jihoon nods slowly. “if you’re going to drink, why don’t we go back to -”

“i don’t want to go home.”

“go back to my place,” he finishes. “i can take you home later.”

you sniffle and shrug your shoulders. “okay, i guess we can do that.”

“okay.” he nods, mostly to himself this time. “let me pay for this and we can go.”

once he’s done so, you get back into the car and open one of the bottles of soju. jihoon makes a face but doesn’t ask you to stop, so you take a deep gulp from it before replacing the cap and sliding the bottle into the cupholder. the drive is silent, this time. neither of you say anything until jihoon pulls into his own driveway, hopping out of the car and waiting for you to do the same before heading inside. 

you settle onto the couch after shedding your layers at the door, and jihoon disappears into the kitchen only to show up a few minutes later holding two steaming bowls of ramen. he hands you one, and you’re surprised by the familiar container. “my favorite.”

he hums, sitting down beside you with his own. “you told me about it when we were at the carnival. do you want to watch a movie?”

you nod slowly, taking a small sip from your soju - now onto the second bottle, you were taking things slower. you let him pick, something from the mcu, but you’re not paying any attention. you can’t help it. you can’t stop thinking about the way haejoon had shown up after all this time and only made things worse, how could he have possibly made anything worse after the way he’d treated you? and to find out he’d cheated, too - you don’t notice the tears streaming down your face or the way your chest is heaving until jihoon has pulled you close to him, wiping your eyes with a tissue. 

“please.” he whispers. “that piece of trash isn’t worth this.”

“it’s my fault, jihoon.” you sob. “something is wrong with me. why else - why else would he be like that towards me when he’s - he’s perfectly fine with her?” your entire body shakes as sobs wrack through your body, barely able to see jihoon through your tears. 

“no.” jihoon insists, firm. “it’s not you, it’s him, he’s not worth a rotting piece of shit, he’s less than that, please just - there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“i made him stop loving me.” you whimper, chewing at your lip.

“someone like him isn’t capable of love.” jihoon pauses. “and he isn’t worthy of yours, either.”

you reach for the bottle of soju before jihoon can stop you, downing the rest of it. “i loved him so fucking much, hoonie.” fresh tears fill your eyes. “i loved him so much and he didn’t give a shit about me, and it hurts so much.”

“i know, baby.” jihoon whispers. “i know exactly how you feel.”

the nickname strikes you in a funny way, knowing there’s no one here for him to pretend for, but you take it. “i hate him so much.”

“good.” jihoon grabs a new tissue to wipe your face with. “he deserves all that and more. i should have - i wish i would have -” he lets out a frustrated noise and clenches his fists. you reach out and unfurl one of them to intertwine your fingers. 

“thank you for what you did, jihoon.” you say softly, unable to look at him. “i’m sorry the party was ruined on my account.”

“stop that.” jihoon squeezes your hand. “it’s not your fault. it’s theirs, for showing up where they know they aren’t wanted. they knew something like that would happen. it’s what they wanted, i’m sure.”

“but -”

“no buts.” he insists. “eat your ramen.” he stands for a moment and walks back towards the kitchen, returning with a glass of water. “and drink this. your head is going to be pounding tomorrow.”

you take the glass from him and sip slowly as he sits back down on the couch, noticeably closer than he was before. he’s pressed up against you almost as if he’s trying to remind you that he’s there, if you need him. 

you wonder if he knows how much it means to you. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jihoon takes you out for valentine's day, and you come to a decision that changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the wait ;w; i struggled a lot with this one but i'm really happy with how it turned out. i hope it was worth the wait!!!!

When you wake up, you find that jihoon was right: your head is absolutely pounding. You open your eyes just to close them a few seconds later - your vision spins a bit and even though the room is dim, it seems too bright. Breathing slow and deep for a minute or two, you open your eyes again slowly and take in your surroundings.

you're still on jihoon's couch, and there's a pillow underneath your head and a blanket overtop your body, a small trash can on the floor next to you that jihoon must have put there after you'd fallen asleep. a gentle turn of your head finds a pair of feet next to the trash can, leading up to the rest of jihoon's body. you frown and wonder why he's there and not in his own bed? but your head pounds harder, setting all other thoughts aside. you turn, little by little, onto your side from your back and look down at jihoon as he continues sleeping.

jihoon, as you've had no trouble noticing, is an incredibly handsome man. he's passionate about his work and charming when he wants to be, has proven himself to be a loyal friend to you and to others in the short time that you've known him. you can't help but wonder how, before the two of you decided to start your little charade, he could have any trouble finding a nice person to date. Sure, there'd been the horrendous Minji, but he hadn't lost all faith, right? he'd told you he'd been going on dates, after all. it was one of the things the two of you had bonded over. 

jihoon's chest rises and falls evenly in his sleep, his face pinched and mouth moving as though he were arguing with someone. from what you know about him, it's probably seungcheol. or maybe mingyu. 

you spot your unfinished water on the coffee table from the night before and reach for it, careful not to spill as you sip at it in your sideways position. jihoon continues sleeping and you sigh. jihoon is a good man, you posit, and he deserves to give the love he has to someone. a real someone, not just his fake girlfriend. for the first time since you'd suggested the fake relationship, you wonder if asking this of him is selfish of you. hoarding him to yourself when, surely, there's someone out there who deserves his affection in a real way. at the very least, you're aware of the fact that it's what jihoon deserves. 

your brain begins to swirl painfully with thoughts and the leftover burn of alcohol, and you're debating with yourself whether you should go ahead and head home or not - jihoon would understand, and you could always leave him a note letting him know. you're struggling to sit upright on the couch when there's a thunk and an "ow, fuck!" from below you - jihoon had banged his arm on the leg of the coffee table and is now sitting up himself, rubbing his arm and looking up at you. 

"good morning." he says, still pouting over the way he'd been brought back to the realm of the living. "are you feeling okay?"

you bite your lip and shrug. "my head is killer, but i'm not nauseous. not yet, anyway."

he nods and uses the arm of the couch to pull himself to a standing position. "well, i'm glad you didn't throw up. the smell is so hard to get out."

you let out a short bite of laughter and jihoon gives you a small smile, stretching his arms above his head. 

"why didn't you sleep in your bed?" you ask, sipping again at the water. 

"oh -" he pauses, scratching at the back of his head. "I was worried you might get sick in your sleep. and choke. like, i know it doesn't happen a lot, but you had a lot of soyoung's jungle juice or whatever, plus the soju, and -"

"thanks." you say softly. he stops talking and nods. 

"no problem." Jihoon moves into the kitchen, opening cabinets and running the sink. you assume he's getting himself a drink, and you're not wrong. he returns a few minutes later with two steaming mugs of coffee, placing one in your hands after taking the water from you. "here. this will help, i bet." he also hands you two small pills - painkillers. you're so grateful you could kiss him.

"you know a lot about hangovers for someone who doesn't drink." you say off handedly, tossing the pills back and downing them with a big sip of your coffee - made just how you like it. 

jihoon laughs. "i didn't say i've never drank before. i just don't like it because my tolerance is so low, i can't really enjoy myself the way others do. so I just don't bother." he sips at his own coffee. "besides, with friends like seungcheol and soonyoung, i've taken care of my share of drunks and the people they are the next morning."

you chuckle into the rim of your mug and he smiles. you sit in silence for a minute or two, both of you still trying to wake up and become more yourselves. 

"are you hungry?" jihoon asks softly, running a hand through his hair. it looks nice, all sleep-mussed, you think. "we can go get something. I don't think anything i know how to cook would be helpful at all for a hangover."

"yeah, i think that sounds good." you agree. "but maybe - do you think we could stop by my apartment so i can shower and change first? there's a nice cafe that does brunch a few blocks down from me."

"i'm down for brunch if you promise no mimosas." he teases, smirking.

"but jihoon," you gasp, mock offended, "how could anyone enjoy brunch if there's no brunch cocktail? i simply won't hear of it."

He laughs, hard enough that he has to set his coffee down in fear of spilling it. "well, do what you want, of course, but i think coffee might be your best friend right now. let me shower and get dressed and we'll go."

"sounds good."

jihoon stands and quickly downs the rest of his coffee before heading towards his bedroom, leaving you alone in his living room. again you're struck by the thought that jihoon would make someone an incredible boyfriend, and how maybe you’re standing in the way of that. 

You’re stuck in your thoughts right up until jihoon comes back out to the living room. He smiles at you softly, calling your name to get your attention. He smiles wider, quirks his head towards the door. 

“Let’s get going.”

* * *

“And then, _ and then _ ,” Seungcheol breaks off in the middle of his story to throw his head back and laugh. “Then this idiot tries to tell me he injured himself training at home like he doesn't _ know _I'm getting a report from his doctor. He got too drunk and rolled his ankle trying to get in the bathtub. His friends recorded a video." Seungcheol sighs, a dreamy look on his face. "I'm so glad I got to see it before the company had it deleted." 

The whole table - you, Seungcheol, Sohee and Jihoon - burst into laughter. Seungcheol has a way of telling stories that make them funnier than they should be, otherwise. He wipes at his eyes, though you don't see any tears, and then he gasps and his face lights up, turning towards you. 

"Did Hoon tell you about his little _ admirer _?" Seungcheol's voice pitches low, like he's telling a secret. Jihoon groans and Seungcheol smiles wider. "I take it that's a no."

"Admirer?" your heart sinks, but not for the reasons Seungcheol or Sohee or even Jihoon might expect.

“It’s nothing to worry about, of course.” Seungcheol assures you, waving a hand as if to placate you. “Jihoon turned him down very kindly. Poor boy was crushed, but i guess no one told him jihoon was taken.” Seungcheol hums, then chuckles. “He came up to us while we were walking the halls, red as can be but looking so...determined, you could say. Asked if jihoon had plans for valentines day, and when he said ‘not yet’, the kid nearly leapt out of his skin he was so excited. Asked him to dinner, bolted into a spiel he’d probably been planning for a while, but thankfully hoon stopped him before he could get too ahead of himself.”

Jihoon shifts next to you, shrugging. “I thought it would be meaner if i let him go through the whole thing. So i thanked him, but told him i was seeing someone, and it was pretty serious, so as flattered as i was, i had to decline.”

Seungcheol nods sagely. “I’m surprised you didn’t tell her, hoon.” 

All eyes turn to jihoon, though yours are infinitely more sympathetic in comparison to Seungcheol and Sohee’s more curious stares. Jihoon flushes under all the attention, almost shrinking in on himself. “I just didn’t think it mattered that much. I did the right thing and turned him down, and he’s not an intern in my department so it’s not like things will be awkward at work.” He looks at you out of the corner of his eye, almost as if begging for forgiveness. 

You force yourself to laugh, hoping it doesn’t sound too fake and patting jihoon’s shoulder. “It’s okay, jihoon, I’m not mad!” you assure him, even if it’s mostly for Seungcheol and Sohee’s sake. Jihoon knows there’s no reason for you to be mad in any way, and once more your thoughts are shoved towards the idea that maybe your ruse with jihoon has run its course. Sure, he told that intern what you had was serious, and you’re certain seungcheol gave him hell for it afterward, but that doesn’t mean things couldn’t change. 

Besides, it had only been a little over a month. It wasn’t _ that _ serious, especially from an outside perspective. 

Dinner finishes and you part ways, slipping back into Jihoon’s car and waving goodbye to Seungcheol and Sohee. Things in the car are quiet at first as Jihoon slips onto the highway, music playing softly in the background. Neither of you speak until jihoon sighs and says, “you’re not really mad, are you?”

You blink owlishly, surprised. “What? No, jihoon, of course not. I’m just...thinking.” 

“Would you mind sharing? The silence is making me kind of, well, nervous.” 

You sigh now. “I’m not mad that someone asked you out or anything jihoon, that would be ridiculous. But...did you want to say yes? Was he cute?” 

In the dim light, you see jihoon’s eyes go wide. “No, I didn’t want to say yes. I was flattered, but I wouldn’t have said yes.”

You chew at your lip, thinking about whether asking the question at the tip of your tongue, knowing it’ll only increase the nervous ache in your chest. 

“I know it’s not - we’re not really dating, but i’m still loyal, you know?” you’re not sure if he’s teasing or not, but it doesn’t help either way. 

“That’s not what I meant, jihoon.” you pause, and before he can say anything else, you rush out, “have there been other offers?” he looks over at you, and you continue, “since we started ‘dating’, i mean.”

“No.” Jihoon responds quickly, “no, there hasn’t been. And even if there had, it wouldn’t matter, because I’m with you.”

“Sort of.” you say softly, looking out the window. 

You don’t see the way jihoon looks at you, and he’s not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing. You tone is hard for him to read, which makes this all the harder. You’re too neutral, too blank, like you’re purposely closing yourself off to him. 

You don’t say anything else, and jihoon isn’t sure whether he wants to ask what’s bothering you because he’s afraid of what the answer might be. Instead, he starts talking idly about work, and how busy he’s been since the new year started - too many idols and groups and soloists wanted fresh, new love songs in time for Valentine’s day, and he’d been charged to write and produce a fair few just by himself. 

You’re glad for the distraction, glad to have something else to think about, especially when you and Jihoon are so close together in his car, where your silence would be too noticeable, too worrisome. You talk to jihoon about what the process has been like, working on multiple songs for multiple artists at once, and he shrugs. 

“Technically, that’s just what I do for a living, you know? The thing that makes this different is the fact that all the deadlines are the same: they have to be ready for valentines day.” he beats a steady rhythm onto the steering wheel with his fingers. “Speaking of, I uh…” he trails off, and he’s grateful for the dim lighting because he can feel the way his cheeks heat up. “If you’re not busy, I’ve kinda got something planned for valentines day.”

“Oh.” you say, surprised. “Is it a work thing? I don’t mind not spending it together.”

Jihoon starts to speak and then closes his mouth, opens it to start again and clears his throat. “Uh, no. I meant for us. I have something planned for us.” 

“Oh.” you say again, your surprise morphing to genuine shock. You hadn’t even been thinking about what valentines day would mean for the two of you. You definitely hadn’t anticipated that jihoon would plan something. 

“Yeah.” jihoon shifts in his seat, your shock making him nervous suddenly. “We don’t have to, I can cancel the reservations -”

“You made _ reservations _?” 

“Ye-yeah?” 

You find yourself unable to respond. You’d thought maybe a movie, a quick dinner, something to show the two of you had spent the holiday together to show everyone that things were fine. But jihoon had gone outside that expectation and actually _ planned _ something. Suddenly your thoughts turn back to how he should be showering someone _ real _ in his quiet affection when he clears his throat again. 

“Is - is that okay? I should have asked, I’m -”

“No, jihoon, don’t be sorry! I just -” you bite your lip. “I wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.” 

Jihoon’s entire body relaxes, releasing the tension built up by his anxiety. “Okay, good. Because I’m um…I’m really excited for what I planned, and I think you’re really gonna like it. Is a surprise okay?”

Your chest tightens and you’re not really sure why, but you tell jihoon that it’s fine, and you’re excited too, even though the truth is you can’t escape the dread filling your heart. _ End it now _ . You tell yourself. _ Let him spend it with someone he doesn’t have to fake affection for. _

Jihoon pulls into your shared driveway and puts the car in park, watching you for a moment. “Are you okay?”

The question stings in a way you weren’t expecting and you’re careful not to wince. “I’m fine! Just a little tired, I think. Work has been busy, you understand.” 

With the car stopped and the overhead light on, you can see the unsure look on jihoon’s face, but he doesn’t ask again. He opens his door and walks around the car to open yours, walking you up to your doorway. The two of you hug and for a split second, you think Jihoon might kiss you - he hesitates as you pull apart, eyes locked on your mouth, but in the end nothing happens and he simply wishes you a good night, reminding you that he’d be too busy between now and valentines day to see you in person. You nod, standing on your porch and watching him get in his car and drive away. 

Once you’re inside, surrounded by the walls of your home and the silence therein, your mind is tormented with ideas of calling jihoon, ending things now, setting him free from your own selfish hold. But he’d seemed so excited by whatever he has planned, and you’re torn. 

You tuck yourself in beneath your covers, pulling them tight up to your chin as you lay there in the dark, alone with your thoughts.

Maybe a good night’s sleep would soothe you. 

Maybe.

* * *

The next few weeks pass and you find yourself feeling lonely without jihoon. You’d grown so used to seeing him regularly that going so long without him leaves a hollow feeling in your chest. You’ve spent more time with Soyoung and some other friends you haven’t seen in a while, but even when you’re with them and having fun your mind drifts to jihoon, hoping that he’s taking care of himself with how busy he must be. The two of you have texted back and forth, a bit, but it’s been scarce. Soyoung has teased you countless times about how you must miss your _ lover _, and you always blush and bat away her words without offering any of your own. 

The one constant is Jihoon’s excitement about valentine’s day. Every time you talk to him he brings it up, shares his hope that you’re as excited as he is. You don’t have the heart to tell him you’re not. When the day arrives, Jihoon tells you simply to “dress nice” and that he’ll pick you up around seven. You keep in mind that he made _ reservations _ and dress up for more than just “nice”, and wait for him to let you know he’s arrived. For once, you think, you’re ready before he is. 

There’s a soft knock on your front door shortly after seven at the same time that your phone chimes with a text notification. You open the door to reveal jihoon dressed sharply - a grey blazer over a collared black shirt with black slacks, his hair slicked back. You’re taken aback by how _ good _ he looks, and his cheeks flush when he realizes you’re staring. 

“Ready to go?” he asks, holding his hand out to take yours. You take it and close the door behind you, following him out to his car. He opens your door and waits until you’re settled before closing it, quickly jogging back around to his side to get in himself and pull the car away. 

“You look amazing.” he says once he’s on the road, eyes unable to keep from glancing over at you. Your cheeks flush and you thank him, picking at the fabric of your skirt. “I mean it. You’re always pretty but - I mean - just. Wow.” 

You giggle a little at that, patting the hand he doesn’t have resting on the steering wheel. “You’re not so bad yourself you know. You look really good when you’re not dressed in sweats and oversized tops.” Jihoon sputters, about to defend himself and his fashion choices, but you laugh harder. “I’m just teasing, hoonie. It’s okay.” 

Jihoon goes quiet and you’re almost worried you actually upset him until he says, “You haven’t called me that in a while. Since new years.” 

You blink, surprised, and think about it. It hadn’t been a conscious decision or anything, but you’re pretty sure he’s right. “Oh.” You say, “I hadn’t even noticed.” 

Jihoon shrugs. “It’s - it’s not a huge deal, I just...noticed that you stopped, that’s all. Thought you were trying to...nevermind. It’s not important.” He looks over at you and smiles softly, and if you were a better person maybe you would have pressed the issue. What had he thought you were trying to do? 

But you don’t want to fight with Jihoon, and you’re not sure where asking that question would take you. Jihoon had taken the care to plan this night for the two of you, and you were going to do your best to make him think you were enjoying every moment - to make him think you were doing anything but counting down the moments you had left with him before you set him free. 

“So,” you say instead, “are you going to tell me what exactly you have planned for us tonight?” you fiddle more with the material of your skirt as jihoon drives out of the city, your eyes watching the inky water moving slowly underneath the bridge. 

“Well...you may have noticed I didn’t bring you any flowers.” he says cryptically, voice tinged with excitement. 

You didn’t notice, but you keep that to yourself. Jihoon continues. 

“That’s because I’m bringing _ you _ to the _ flowers _.” Jihoon grins wide, like he’s done something incredibly clever. You’re still lost, yourself, blinking at him owlishly as you try to piece together what he means. Deciding to cut his losses, Jihoon reaches out and takes your hand and squeezes it. “I signed us up for a couples’ floral arrangement class.” 

You think of your nice outfit and Jihoon’s, and wonder if that’s a good idea - you’re both quite overdressed for something like that. You say as much and Jihoon laughs. 

“We’ll get aprons, and then go to dinner right after.” He pauses as the car slows and he pulls into the turning lane. “Unless you don’t want to go? We don’t have to.” 

“No, Jihoon, it’s not that! I think it sounds fun, and I do want to go.” 

“Really, you won’t hurt my feelings if it’s not something you’re interested in. I just thought it would be nice.” He pauses, then adds quietly, “Romantic.” 

“Sure, but...you don’t have to romance me, jihoon. I didn’t even think we were going to do anything special until you said you were making plans.” 

He says nothing, continuing to drive as some top forties hit plays in the background. You’re stuck on _ why _ jihoon would bother trying to do something romantic for you, even if it was just to tell your friends you’d done it. That didn’t seem like something jihoon would be worried about at all. He pulls into a parking lot and stops the car, turning the radio off and looking at you with tired eyes. 

Instantly you regret everything you’ve said. 

“I’m sorry jihoon, I must sound like the most ungrateful bitch of a fake-girlfriend. You went through all the trouble to plan things for tonight and here I am questioning you when I should be thanking you for being so thoughtful.” You take a deep breath and let it out. “I’m sorry. I’ll be better from now on. I would love to go in and make a floral arrangement with you. Or for you. Or however this is going to be set up.” 

The tension melts from Jihoon’s body and he smiles in the dim light over the overhead. “Thank you.” he says softly. “Let’s go in, shall we?” 

You return his smile and nod, and before you know it he’s out of the car and around the front to open your door again, hand extended to help you down. You take it, intertwining your fingers as you head inside and up a flight of stairs to the florist. Another couple is leaving as you enter, holding hands and exchanging adoring glances and each holding a small pink basket of their own. 

“I - it’s a private class.” Jihoon says suddenly. “Just so you know.” 

“Wow. That _ is _ romantic.” You reply, peering over your shoulder as one of the men leans in to give his boyfriend a quick, sudden kiss on the cheek. You smile to yourself and turn back to look at jihoon, suddenly overcome with the need to do the same. You don’t, of course, but for a few brief moments, you genuinely consider it. 

You let jihoon lead you into the small shop, taking in the sights of all the different flowers hung in different arrangements - and some just hanging - around the lobby. Jihoon calls out a soft “hello?” and a deep voice replies “Just a minute!” 

You and Jihoon stand in the lobby, hand in hand, Jihoon’s thumb rubbing absentmindedly over the back of your hand as he gazes intently at a wreath of roses and lilacs displayed in one of the corners. A door opens behind the counter and you’re greeted by a broad, handsome man with dark messy curls and a bright smile. 

“Oh, it _ is _ you, Jihoon!” he says, smile growing wider. He comes out from behind the counter to shake Jihoon’s hand, and you’re a little taken aback by how _ big _ this man is up close. 

“Dongho I didn’t realize this was your shop?” He pats the florist - Dongho? - on the bicep, and they both laugh. 

“I only opened this one last year - finally moved from the little alleyway shop.” Dongho looks down at you, smiling. “So this is your girlfriend?” 

Jihoon nods and introduces the two of you and then Dongho takes you back to the workroom, which he’s decorated with ribbons and flowers just for today’s classes. 

Dongho hands you both aprons and directs you two to sit at the table where most of the tools and buckets of flowers are set up. He teaches you both how to cut the flowers Just So, to be mindful of the weight of the flowers as you place them, but otherwise lets the two of you be. 

The room is quiet as you work, other than soft music playing in the background and Dongho’s occasional humming under his breath. 

More than once, you catch Jihoon’s hands frozen in place and his eyes locked on your face, only for him to blush and look away as soon as you’ve caught him. You can’t figure out how it makes you feel, your heart a flurry of battling emotions as you continue. You are aware of one thing, though: it most certainly doesn’t feel unpleasant. 

For the next forty-five minutes the two of you in trim and arrange the flowers in your selected vessel: a cute little heart-shaped bucket that you fill with cream roses and soft pink peonies, delicate baby’s breath and white carnations. 

It looks pretty good, you think.

The two of you thank Dongho for the class and leave with the arrangement in one of your hands as your other is safely secured in Jihoon’s. As you descend back down the stairs towards the car, jihoon squeezes your hand and starts to laugh. You raise your eyebrows at him, asking what’s so funny. Jihoon shakes his head and tampers his mirth down to just giggles, opening your door for you once you’ve reached the parking lot. He stands there in the space of the open door as you settle in your seat, smiling wide and still chuckling to himself. 

“I’m just…having a really good time. I’m really glad you wanted to do this with me.” 

Your heart pounds and your cheeks flush and that urge to kiss him comes back full force. You wonder if his lips would be just as soft as they were on new year’s eve. You wonder what it would be like to kiss him fully sober, without the haze of alcohol bleeding through your senses. You bite your lip without thinking and Jihoon’s eyes track the movement. 

You wonder if Jihoon has been thinking about kissing you too. 

“Did you have fun, baby?” he asks. A cold gust of wind whips up from behind him, tousling his hair and pushing at the flowers on your lap. 

You flush deeper at the pet name and nod. “Yeah, hoonie. I had a great time. Thank you.” 

Jihoon beams and says nothing, closing the car door before climbing in on the other side. He reaches out his hand over the console, and without thinking you place yours in his grasp. He pulls the car out of the parking lot and drives down the road, twisting and turning until he pulls into the parking lot of a restaurant you’ve never seen or heard of. But with the full, full lot, and the decadent detailing of just the outside, you know why Jihoon sprung for reservations. Walking inside you see just how elegant (_ expensive _) this place was, and suddenly you feel incredibly out of place. 

Jihoon gives his name to the maitre d who has a hostess show you to your table - tucked away in a candlelit corner, waiting with a bottle of champagne. 

“Jihoon.” you whisper, nearly beside yourself, once the hostess is gone. “This is absolutely too much!” 

Jihoon’s mouth opens, eyebrows drawn together, and is about to say something when the waitperson comes up to the table. They list off the specials and pops the champagne, pouring each of you a glass. They leave to let you look over the menu, and you turn your attention back to jihoon. 

“Really, jihoon I - this is so, so beautiful and romantic, but it’s too much.” 

“Well, I think you’re worth it.” Jihoon takes a swig of his champagne and grimaces. “That tastes awful.” 

You’re so distracted by his first statement that you can’t even laugh at his reaction to the alcohol. You have questions, and your heart is flipping over itself, but you can’t bring yourself to push words onto your tongue. You take a few sips of your champagne (jihoon is right, it is awful. But he paid for it) and soon the waiter comes back for your orders. You try to order something on the cheaper side, already racked with guilt thinking about how much jihoon must have spent. 

“What -” jihoon starts and stops, takes a breath. “What I meant before was just...you know, I’m sure Haejoon never treated you to a nice valentine’s day. So i thought I would.” his eyes lock with yours and he continues. “So don’t worry about this.” 

You sigh. “At least let me pay the tip or something.”

Jihoon laughs. “Okay, fine. I’ll let you take care of the tip.” 

The waitperson brings out your first course and as you try to miss the dressing into your salad as delicately as you can, you say, “You’re right, by the way.” 

Jihoon hums around a spoonful of soup. “Most likely, but about what?”

You laugh. “About Haejoon. We had two valentine’s days together and they were both...awful. Lackluster. He..” you laugh, thinking about it now. “He forgot me both times.”

Jihoon’s face pinches, angry. “That’s not something I’m happy to be right about.” You shrug and he pouts, wishing he could tell you just how incredible he thinks you are. “Then I definitely want you to just…enjoy this tonight.” 

You nod, smiling softly to yourself and digging in. 

The rest of dinner is exquisite and incredible, and thankfully, not actually served in microscopic portions, which was something you and Jihoon were both concerned about. 

Once the meal is over and paid for and you’re back in the car, jihoon drives you home and when you’ve pulled into your driveway, he asks if he can play you something. A song. You agree and soft, sweet music fills the car - jihoon’s voice singing a melody filled with adoration and something that makes your heart both flutter and clench tight. You’re suddenly reminded that jihoon could be doing this with someone else, for someone he actually _ wants _ to be in a relationship with instead of you, who practically forced him to fake one. 

“It’s beautiful.” you say, distracted. It ends and without saying anything you get out of the car, barely hearing jihoon cry for you to wait. He catches up and takes your hand as you walk up to the door. There he takes your other hand as well, mumbling again that he had an incredible time tonight. 

“Me too, jihoon.” you return, eyes downcast. Jihoon squeezes your hands, rocking back and forth on his heels. 

You don’t see it, but jihoon bites his lip nervously. You don’t see it, but his eyes are trained on your mouth. You don’t see it, but Jihoon leans in close, desperate to ask you a question. 

“Thank you again for tonight, jihoon. I guess I should head in, huh?”

You don’t see it, but jihoon’s face falls but only for a moment because then you’re finally looking up at him and he can’t let you see the disappointment in his eyes. 

“Yeah.” he says softly, pulling away.

“Talk to you later?” you have the feeling that Jihoon wants to say something to you, but it’s only one of so many thoughts swirling through your head that it’s gone in an instant. 

“Yeah.” he says again. “Sleep well, baby.” 

“You too, jihoon. You deserve a rest after working so hard.” 

He nods and hums, letting out a hollow little laugh as he walks back down the drive and you head inside. 

You close the door and sink to the ground, wishing the earth could swallow you whole. Just how long were you going to be so selfish? How much more of jihoon’s time were you going to waste? How many times did it take, telling yourself he deserved something real, before you allowed yourself to let him go? 

Your head rolls back against the door as you sigh. You were starting to regret every asking Jihoon to do this for you. What was he even getting out of it? Your benefits had been clear - no more dates with fucking weirdos that Soyoung thought you could be cute with. No more set-ups that were disguised as favors hoping you and the guy would magically hit it off. 

To be fair, you had never imagined that the arrangement would bring you so much heartache - if that’s what it even was. Never in your life had you felt so conflicted and yet so unsure as to why. 

You and jihoon were just friends, it had never been and never would be anything more. No matter how many times he called you baby, how many times you held his hand, how many times you felt the pull to kiss his lips and so much more. It wasn’t real. 

It wasn’t real.

Maybe that’s why it was so confusing. 

Maybe, somewhere along the line, jihoon had convinced your heart that what you had was real.

Your mind, however, was well aware of the truth. 

* * *

x

You get his response and relief floods your chest. 

You weren’t avoiding jihoon. Not by any means. It’s just that you knew if you saw him, you wouldn’t be able to let things go on any longer, and you weren’t ready to deal with that just yet, so you were just taking some space. By lying. 

It was only a little avoidant. 

You settle back onto your couch - you’d been pacing in the kitchen while you’d texted him - pulling a blanket over yourself and pressing play on the new season of your favorite show. You’d been meaning to watch for weeks now but you’ve been too busy.

You’re an episode and a half in, just about to press ‘place order’ for some takeout when your doorbell rings. You’re surprised, to say the least, but you yell out “coming!” and make your way to the door. You open it without checking the spyhole and immediately wish you had. 

“Hi, Jihoon?” you say, stilted and shocked. 

Jihoon is standing there with two white shopping bags in one of his hands - one takeout, and one you’re assuming holds medicine. 

“Can i come in?” he asks, gesturing with his free hand. You nod and silently lead the way into your kitchen, where jihoon immediately starts unpacking his - your? - spoils. There’s medicine, soup, crackers, tissues, lozenges, fried rice, juice, and he says nothing as you watch him place everything on your counter. 

“I - I told you not to come over, though, jihoon.” You say softly, pointedly not looking at him. 

“Yeah, but I haven’t seen you since valentine’s day, and I was worried when you said you were sick. You said that being sick is always really hard on you.” Jihoon looks you over - takes in the healthy glow of your skin, the way your breathing and voice seem perfectly normal. “You said you were...sick?” 

“Oh, it’s just a headache mostly, and my body is kind of achey.” you lie quickly. “I haven’t been sleeping well lately and I always feel ill when it catches up to me, you know?” 

Jihoon doesn’t say anything for a few moments, then takes the lid off one of the soup containers. “Well, I brought this, so you should probably eat it…”

A few minutes later finds you and jihoon seated on either end of your couch, not touching or speaking as you both eat. He’d tried to say he would leave, and maybe you should have let him, but he’d come all this way just for you because he’d been _ worried _ so you insisted he stay. You eat in silence, aside from softly thanking him for the meal and everything else, your show still paused from when he came to the door. 

Jihoon clears his throat, loud in the small, quiet space. “Is everything...okay?” 

You want so badly to lie to him (again, you remind yourself). You want to tell him you’re fine, and that you have just been so busy lately, and you didn’t want to bother him. You want to lie and continue _ lying _ to everyone because the conversation you feel like you need to have is absolutely crushing your chest. 

“Jihoon, we need to talk.” 

Jihoon’s eyes go wide and his brows furrow, concerned, but he nods. “Okay...go ahead.”

All too easily, words bubble up from your chest. 

“I’m so sorry, jihoon. I just - I’ve been so selfish, only ever thinking about how having you be my fake boyfriend would make my life easier, I never...I never stopped to think about what it would mean for you, you know? I just needed soyoung to leave me alone so bad, I was going crazy from all the shitheads she tried to set me up with. No offense. And you - you deserve a real relationship, jihoon, you know? You’re kind and devoted and caring and you’re going to make someone very happy and I can’t let my own selfishness stand in the way of that anymore. I’ve been losing my mind for weeks trying to decide what the right thing to do is, which is _ awful, _isn’t it? Of course the right thing to do is call this all off. We don’t have to tell anyone, of course, since that would kinda defeat the point of the whole thing, but - but you’re free jihoon. You don’t have to pretend anymore. We’re ‘breaking up.’ I want you to be happy, jihoon. I want that so much it’s been driving me insane. That’s why i was such a bitch on valentine’s day, i couldn’t stop thinking about how it should’ve been someone else, you know? Someone you actually want to be in a relationship with, not me, your fake girlfriend.” 

You take a deep breath before finishing. “Thank you, jihoon, for agreeing to this in the first place, even though I should never have asked. At least...I mean, at least now people will leave us alone, right? We can find new relationships in our own time. If someone we’re interested in asks us out, we can say yes.” 

Jihoon, who neither visibly nor vocally reacted to your entire speech, chews on his lip. 

“So you don’t want to do this anymore?” he asks softly. “Right?” 

“Right.” you smile at him, thankful to finally have the weight of this off your chest. “But I really like hanging out with you, so we can totally still be friends! Like, exes who are cool, yeah?”

“What are we going to tell people?” Jihoon doesn’t answer your question, but you shrug it off. It had been mostly rhetorical anyway. 

“I figure we tell them that we decided we were better as friends.” You grin wide. “That’s not really lying, right?”

“Yeah, right.” Jihoon says, but he sounds distracted. He stands suddenly, making his way towards the door. “I have to go. I’ll text you.” 

He doesn’t wait for you to call “okay, sounds good!” before the door shuts behind him. 

You press play on the long-forgotten episode and after about another two, shoot a text to soyoung, laying your phone down on your thigh. It takes approximately five seconds before your ringtone cuts through the air and you roll your eyes as you answer her call. 

_ “What do you mean, you broke up but it’s cool? It’s _ ** _cool_ ** _ ?” _

“Yeah, Soyoung.” you sigh. “We’re fine! We decided it wasn’t working out and we’d be better off as friends. It happens all the time.”

Soyoung scoffs. _ “You’re so full of shit. Both of you.” _

“What are you talking about? You say that like you know something about my relationship that I don’t.”

She laughs. _ “Don’t worry about it. If you say you’re fine, you must be fine.” _ She pauses. _ “Are you sure you’re fine? You can tell me if you’re not. I love you, you know.” _

Your heart swells and you’re so glad she called, suddenly. “I love you too, Soyoung. And I promise me and jihoon are fine. We’ve agreed to still hang out. Everything is cool.” 

Across town, Jihoon steps out of a gas station, a bag full of soju in his hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu on [twitter](https://twitter.com/carebearcoupsie) or [tumblr](https://seungcheolsbodyharness.tumblr.com)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope." - Maya Angelou

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for waiting. this has been such a long time coming, and i cannot thank you enough for the support you've given me and this fic and these two, dumb, lovestruck idiots. i hope you enjoy the final chapter, and i hope it was worth the wait.

you unlock your door and turn on the lights. it’s been a long night. 

to say the date had gone badly wouldn’t necessarily be true. it had gone...just okay. the guy had been nice, he’d paid for dinner, and been fairly interesting to talk to. but something just wasn’t quite clicking for you. 

it’s been a few weeks since you and jihoon had broken up, and you’ve been on a few dates (a _ few _, no more than five) but none of them had ended up being very promising. but you had picked them all yourself, and you had to remind yourself that it was a step in the right direction. 

the main takeaway has been that none of these dates have made you feel _ good _ in any special way (if at all). you can’t remember the last time you felt good and happy and like something exciting was getting started as you sat across from someone new. you’d been hopeful, but there had yet to be anything close to sparks. 

you move through your apartment, shedding coat and purse and sitting at your vanity to remove your makeup before getting in the shower. as the water runs over your body, you try to think about where you’re going wrong in your choices. 

you turn the water off and wrap yourself in your towel, stepping back into your bedroom and picking up your phone. surprisingly, you have a number of texts from soyoung, as well as a new voicemail and a missed call. you hadn’t even been in the shower that long. 

not bothering to read the texts or listen to the voicemail, you call her back, sitting down on the bed. it rings once, twice, and then soyoung picks up. 

“excuse me, since when did you start _ dating again _?” 

oh, so that’s what this was about.

“um, not very long? i haven’t been on very many.” 

“there have been _ more _?” soyoung practically screeches in your ear. wincing, you put her on speaker and move over to the dresser to grab something to wear to bed. 

“a couple. why?” you pull an oversized shirt over your head, digging in your top drawer for a pair of underwear. 

“well for starters, you didn’t even tell me you _ wanted _ to date again.” soyoung huffs. “secondly, i thought you’d, i dunno, tell your best friend you had a date lined up at all. you must not have been that excited to go out with them.” 

“hey,” you pout, “i just wasn’t thinking, okay? i’m sorry i made you feel excluded.” you think for a minute, chew your lip. “and it’s not like i tell you everything, anyway.” 

soyoung scoffs, even laughs a bit. “since _ when _ ? i’ve known everything about you since we were five years old. when, pray tell, did that _ stop _?” 

for a minute, you’re tempted to come clean. to tell soyoung everything about what happened with jihoon. you want to tell her about the way being with him made you feel so she’ll understand why you set him free. you want to, but…

“just...i’m sorry, okay? i’ll tell you next time i meet someone.” 

soyoung sighs. “don’t you think it’s a little soon?” 

“i mean, we ended things amicably, so i don’t see why we’d need a grieving period or anything. it’s been like a month.” dressed now, you pick your phone up and get under the covers. “and besides, i’m sure jihoon has been on dates too. are you mad at him?”

soyoung goes quiet for a moment, then sighs. “no, because jihoon isn’t my best friend, you are. also, jihoon hasn’t done anything but go to work and then go home for weeks. woomin hasn’t even seen him. i thought you said you guys were okay?” 

your brows draw together. as far as you were aware, you and jihoon were just fine. you’d both agreed to end things. “maybe something else is going on, at work or something. i don’t know, but him and i are fine. i’ll text him when we’re done if it’ll make you feel better.” 

“whatever.” soyoung says. “maybe just...hold off on the dates for right now, okay? take some time for yourself. i know you didn’t date for very long, but…” she trails off. 

“no, maybe you’re right. none of the dates i’ve gone on have been very good anyway. can we meet up later this week? i’ll buy us lunch or something and tell you all about it.” 

soyoung hums. “sounds good. talk to you later, okay?”

“okay~” 

with soyoung - seemingly - appeased, you hang up the phone and open up your messenger app to do as you promised and text jihoon. his response doesn’t come quickly like it used to, but you don’t think much of it. he reads your answer, but sends nothing. but it’s already late, and he’s probably working, so you set your phone down on your nightstand and turn off the light. 

* * *

_ “cleanup on aisle four. i repeat, cleanup on aisle four.” _

you stand safely in aisle seven, well enough away from whatever was happening a few rows over, scanning the neverending choices of cereal. you eventually decide on a simple classic, throwing it into your cart and heading down towards the produce section. you spy a familiar face and a smile breaks onto yours, hurriedly shuffling over towards him with your cart, calling his name. 

“seungcheol!” you call, smiling wide. “how are you!”

seungcheol turns to look at you and the look on his face can only be described as frigid. taken aback, your smile falters, but you continue up to him nonetheless. 

“is um, is everything okay, seungcheol?”

he rolls his eyes, turning away from you to stare intently at bottles of organic juice. “oh, i’m sure you’re _ just fine _.” he picks a bottle up, turns it over in his hand. “i heard you’ve been on a few dates.” his eyes come up to lock with yours. “that happened awfully quickly, didn’t it?”

you nearly stumble, you're so shocked - by his tone, by his implications, by everything about this whole situation. “well, jihoon and i aren’t dating anymore, so i think a few dates are okay.” 

seungcheol shrugs and puts the juice back onto the shelf. “you just seemed to meet people pretty quickly, that’s all. almost like you had them ready, or something.” he huffs. “not to mention that you seem absolutely fine, like nothing even happened.” 

your brows draw together, frustration simmering under your skin. “i’m _ fine _ because jihoon and i _ agreed _ to be friends. i don’t appreciate you implying i was cheating on him. i know better than anyone that jihoon doesn’t deserve that.” 

seungcheol’s face pulls into a grimace, nearly obviously disgusted. “he doesn’t deserve _ this _ either.” before you can say anything he’s gone, angrily pushing his cart down the rest of the aisle and around the corner. 

your frustration nearly boils over - who did seungcheol think he was, accusing you of cheating on jihoon? like he knew what he was talking about at _ all _? 

when you get home, groceries thrown onto the stove to await being put away, you call jihoon. 

when he picks up, your heart starts to pound, but you’re pretty sure that’s the leftover adrenaline from talking to seungcheol. 

“hello?” 

“i think we need to tell people the truth. everyone’s acting like i’m some kind of horrible person because i’ve gone on a few dates since we decided to end things.” 

jihoon sighs on the other end. “do whatever you want. i don’t care.” 

that makes you pause. “are we okay, jihoon? people keep acting like i hurt your feelings. you’re okay, right?”

you can almost hear the wheels turning in jihoon’s head. you’re about to ask again, but then he says, “you and i are fine. don’t worry about it.”

“okay.” you say slowly. “so how has - “

“if that’s all you needed, i’m really busy. i’ll text you sometime.” he barely gives you a chance to say goodbye before he hangs up, phone going black in your hand as you lean against the counter. 

as you put your groceries away, there’s a single thought running through your head over and over again.

_ why did that conversation leave you feeling so hollow? _

x

seungcheol barges into jihoon’s studio, eyes blinded by the new bright lights, and immediately starts complaining. loudly. 

jihoon starts by telling him he’s being entirely too loud for a monday, pulling his headphones tighter against his ears. he does his best to block his friend out, to ignore whatever he’s complaining about. it’s probably about one of his idols skipping leg day again. 

then seungcheol says your name, and jihoon is forced to pay attention. he slips his headphones down to rest on his neck and turns around to face the other man, doing his best to keep his face neutral. 

“what did you say? i wasn’t listening.”

seungcheol huffs, arms crossed over his chest like an irritated child. “i _ said _ , i saw your ex at the supermarket saturday. she was so _ rude _ , i couldn’t believe her - coming up to me like she didn’t have a care in the world, smiling like she was happy to see me. well, i was _ not _happy to see her and i’ll tell you what, hoon, i didn’t bother hiding it.”

“when have you ever.” jihoon mumbles. 

“anyway, i told her i just thought it was kind of funny, you know, that she’s already dating again when you only broke up what, a month ago? like she already had them set up, you know?” his face pinches angrily. “i’m still not convinced she didn’t.”

jihoon’s heart clenches, painful and tight. as if the thought of you on dates wasn’t painful enough. “i promise you she didn’t. just...take it easy on her, okay?”

“what do you _ mean _? you’re clearly messed up about all of this and she’s out there acting like everything is fine. i know you guys said you agreed to be friends, but i just don’t buy that shit, jihoon. i don’t know what you even saw in her, she’s a-”

“choi seungcheol, don’t you dare say what you’re about to say. i’m telling you to let it go, so let it go and _ leave her alone. _”

seungcheol’s eyes go wide, stunned silent. he and jihoon watch each other for a minute or two, and seungcheol pouts, shrugging. “i’m just trying to look out for you, hoon.”

jihoon sighs. “i know, cheol. i know, okay? i know i’ve been making everyone uncomfortable. i’ll be fine eventually.”

seungcheol doesn’t buy that. “but if you agreed to be friends, why are you so upset? why does it seem like you had your heart broken? i just don’t get it.”

“i said i’ll be fine -”

“but you’re not fine _ now _ , and it doesn’t make any _ sense _, why won’t you just tell me why -”

“it’s because we were never actually dating!” jihoon explodes, crumbling under seungcheol’s pressure. seungcheol stops talking, mouth hanging open and eyes so wide they look ready to pop out. jihoon sighs and digs the heels of his palms into his eyes. “god dammit, cheol.” he mutters. “we weren’t going to tell anyone.”

“then...why…” seungcheol whispers, almost like he’s asking himself and not jihoon. 

“because i fucked up, cheol, okay? i caught feelings and _ obviously _, she didn’t, and she didn’t want to do it anymore. so i agreed, and now we’re...here.” 

seungcheol scratches at his jaw. “are you...are you sure? you guys were pretty convincing, both of you. also, not offense, hoon, but i kind of have a hard time believing you would even...do something like that.” 

jihoon bites his lip. “i mean, it was her idea, but it wasn’t like i was going along with it because i had feelings for her _ then _, you know? i just....the blind dates were getting worse and worse.” 

they both sigh. 

“so anyway just...don’t be so hard on her. my feelings are my problem, not hers.” jihoon turns away, back to his monitors. 

“so…” seungcheol starts, making jihoon’s shoulders tense, “have you had lunch yet? i’m in the mood for dumplings.” 

“go order some then.” jihoon tells him. “and bring me some.”

“no, no, no, jihoon,” seungcheol smirks and stands up, turning jihoon’s chair back to face him. “i’m not letting you stay cooped up in here. come on.” he grabs his friend’s wrist and gently pulls him forward and out of his seat. “it’s nice out, let’s take a walk.”

jihoon rolls his eyes but lets himself be dragged along. 

“by the way, when did you get new lights? the purple neon was so cool!”

jihoon’s ears flush red. “someone suggested it...the neon was cool but trying to look at my monitors in the low light was giving me headaches.”

* * *

they say time heals all wounds. 

that’s the first thing to come to mind when jihoon feels a tap on his shoulder as he’s standing in line at a coffee shop. it’s been a little more than two months since he’s spoken to you, a little more than three since the “break up”. he’s been doing...better. 

he turns around and sees you, smiling so brightly at _ him _ , and it’s like nothing has changed. there’s a dull aching in his chest that reminds him of his pain, but mostly he can’t help but feel _ happy _ to see you. he only falters for a moment before smiling back at you. 

“jihoon!” you exclaim, fighting the urge to wrap your arms around him. “it’s been so long. funny that we see each other here, isn’t it?”

jihoon tilts his head, unsure. you giggle, cheeks flushed a pretty pink. 

“this is the cafe we went to together on christmas. it’s okay that you didn’t remember, we only came the one time and it was all decorated, so!” you laugh again and jihoon wants to hear more. he wants it so badly. 

“oh, i guess it is!” he says. he almost wishes it hurt more to see you. it barely hurts at all, and he’s not sure if that’s a good thing. you look so happy to see him and he’s having trouble processing that. 

you want to tell him you miss him. the words are tucked just behind your teeth, but it feels...wrong. like a feeling that should just be kept hidden away, to yourself. “has work been keeping you busy? i saw one of your songs became a big hit, the one you wrote for seokmin? it was really, really good.” you don’t tell him about the playlist you have of songs he’s written, or how you listen to it over and over throughout your day. 

jihoon nods. “thanks, yeah, i’ve been even busier since that did so well, funny enough.” he smiles. “it’s good though. what a nice reason to be busy, you know?”

you smile too, nodding. you both order your drinks - iced americano for jihoon, your regular for you - and stand together as you wait, buzzers in hand. 

“would you um - do you wanna get a table? we can sit and catch up!” you offer, smile tentative and shy. you’re not sure what it is about jihoon that makes you feel this way. 

jihoon’s smile falters for a moment in his shock. unfortunately, he already has plans with seungcheol and woomin, and he tells you as much. hairline fractures form in his heart from the way your face falls. 

“oh, i understand! maybe another time, then?” you replace your smile quickly, tucking a piece of loose hair behind your ear. jihoon’s buzzer goes off and he stumbles over his words with his response, but he does agree. he would like to get coffee with you sometime, maybe soon, but he does need to go.

“it was - “ you pause. “i’m really glad i ran into you, jihoon. text me, okay? i’ll be waiting.”

jihoon hopes his eyes don’t go as wide as they feel. “yeah-yeah, i will. okay. um. bye.” he waves at you as he exits the cafe, and you’re already sad to see him go. 

you chew on your lip, thinking. the buzzer goes off in your hand and you step to the counter, exchanging the device for your drink. you find a seat by the window and set your belongings down. you take a sip and watch people pass by, thoughts turning to the last time you’d been in this cafe. it had been after christmas, just you and soyoung, who had teased you gleefully when you’d told her that you’d found this place on a date with jihoon. 

_ “you guys are so cute~” soyoung singsongs, taking a bite of her cake. “i’m so glad i set you guys up. you like him so much, i can tell.” _

_ your cheeks flush. “shush, soyoung.” you don’t know how to tell her she’s wrong. you don’t have feelings for jihoon, aside from the ones that pop up when the two of you are pretending for everyone else’s sake. _

_ “i mean it.” she tells you softly. “i can see the way you two look at each other. it’s like destiny, really.” _

_ the idea of destiny sets a strange feeling in your stomach. hot, and a little bit like shame, but also something else. something softer, like longing. _

_ “you know i don’t believe in destiny.” you tell her. “i’m sure you would have set me and jihoon up eventually, you just happened to have the opportunity handed to you.” _

_ “exactly!” soyoung laughs. “destiny! destiny with a side of sugar cookies.” _

_ you laugh at that, remembering jihoon’s stressed face when you’d shown up that night, kitchen littered with attempts at sugar cookie dough. he’d been so flustered, so...cute. _

_ soyoung laughs to herself, as if she’s thought of some funny joke, and then she looks at you with mischief in her eyes. “you _ ** _like_ ** _ him. you were just thinking about how cute he is, i know it.” _

_ “get out of my brain you weirdo.” you shove at her from across the table, but don’t deny it. _

you take another sip of your drink. you ought to tell her the truth, you think. and soon.

x

jihoon can’t stop smiling as he drives to woomin and soyoung’s house. you _ wanted _ to see him again. you had been _ happy _ to see him. that had to mean - he didn’t want to get his hopes up, didn’t want to dream too high, but that _ had to mean that maybe, just maybe, _you missed him. 

he couldn’t think about it too much, but it was...a nice feeling, if nothing else. 

he’s greeted by the sight of woomin and seungcheol lying on the couch at weird angles, and soyoung’s voice from the kitchen saying “they’ve been like that for an hour. weirdos.” 

she looks at jihoon for a moment, watching him carefully. jihoon can feel the weight of it, knows she’s only concerned. things were...hard, back in february. soyoung is _ your _ friend, yes, but jihoon is woomin’s family, and he’s known soyoung for so long because of that. he wonders if she feels like… jihoon looks at her and smiles, softly. 

“hi, soyoung.” he says softly. he turns to the couch and says “hey, losers, are we gonna play or what?” 

the two men look up at jihoon, smiling and laughing as they try to untangle themselves. 

“hey, hoon!” they both cry. 

“i’m gonna kick your ass, so get ready.”

x

a few hours later finds them seated at the dinner table, halfway through their second pizza. 

"so jihoon," woomin starts, a teasing tone to his voice, "you seem awfully happy today. would you like to share with the class?"

jihoon's cheeks flush. somehow, the idea of telling them that it's because he saw you seems so silly. maybe it's because they've seen how roughly the last few months have treated him. maybe it's because he doesn't want to admit he's getting his hopes up (again). he doesn't want to seem like that ex who just can't let go, who thinks every smile of yours has some hidden meaning just for him. 

but to be fair, you and jihoon had never been typical exes. 

“i uh...i ran into...well…” he blushes further and doesn’t even have to say your name for them all to know. “at the coffee shop, right before i got here.”

seungcheol smirks knowingly, but woomin looks a little concerned. 

“jihoon she wasn’t...mean, was she?” jihoon and soyoung both shoot him a look as if to say “watch it”, and he puts his hands up in surrender. 

“no, she wasn’t, she was lovely.” jihoon sighs. “just like always.”

“you actually talked to her?” seungcheol sounds surprised. 

“well, it would have been rude _ not to _...plus she approached me! and she seemed...i dunno, happy to see me.” 

woomin and seungcheol sigh, now. soyoung stands and moves into the kitchen to grab another drink. 

“i just don’t understand, jihoon.” seungcheol takes a sip of his beer. his third or fourth - who’s keeping count?

“i just don’t understand why you didn’t tell her you had feelings for her.”

jihoon’s eyes bulge wide, flush creeping up his neck in anger. 

“what?” woomin asks, confused.

“just because you guys weren’t _ actually dating _ doesn’t mean -”

“** _hey!_ **” jihoon shouts, just as the sound of shattering glass comes from the kitchen. they all turn to see soyoung, face bright red and a bottle shattered at her feet. she pays it no mind, stepping forward to crowd between seungcheol and jihoon.

“what did you just say, seungcheol?” her question is directed at seungcheol, but her gaze is directed at jihoon, who sighs and lays his head on the table. 

“i’ll explain everything.” 

-

“so if i understand you correctly, you guys were faking a relationship, you developed feelings for her, and didn’t think to tell her that when she decided to break things off?”

“well, well she wanted to end it, and i wanted to respect her wishes, and i didn’t think it would make a difference.” jihoon shrugs. “she wanted it to end, so i let it. it doesn’t mean...doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt, though.” 

soyoung lets out a loud, long suffering sigh. “you’re both idiots. and she’s going to _ get it. _”

soyoung stands and jihoon goes to say something - to defend you, maybe - but thinks better of it. obviously soyoung must be feeling hurt right now - her best friend spent months _ lying _ to her, and nothing jihoon could say would change or fix that. 

the three men hear the door slam as soyoung leaves, and they all let out a breath and slump in their seats. 

jihoon reaches an arm out and punches seungcheol in the shoulder. “way to go, bigmouth.” he scolds, but he’s not...angry. he would have preferred maybe waiting or...maybe he’s not sure what he wants. 

“you know, jihoon…” woomin says softly, looking all-too-interested in his nails. “if it was really going that badly, i would have stopped trying to set you up…”

jihoon pinches the bridge of his nose. “it’s just...i know you meant well. i didn’t know how to tell you, you know? when you were just looking out for me.”

woomin nods, and seungcheol takes another sip of his beer - or he tries to, before jihoon swipes it out of his hand and gulps the rest down himself. 

“you don’t drink.” seungcheol whines, but doesn’t get up to grab another. 

“i’ve gotten used to it.” jihoon says flatly, setting the glass down. 

“oh shit,” woomin says suddenly. “the glass soyoung dropped.” he stands quickly and runs for the broom and mop, jihoon moving to help him. both of them yell for seungcheol to stay seated, so he does, with a pout on his face. 

x

you check your phone for the third time in one minute. you have no missed calls, no voicemails, no new texts, _ nothing _ to explain whoever was fucking _ pounding _at your front door. you charge through your living room and tear the door open, ready to start screaming at whoever thought they could use your door as some kind of punching bag. 

but then you see soyoung standing there, her eyes red and wet. 

“you _ lied _ to me.” she says, voice tight and harsh and firm. 

you step aside to let her in, shutting the door gently behind you. you take a seat on the couch, knowing soyoung will not do the same.

you’ve only seen soyoung like this a handful of times. you know exactly what it means, and it explains the lack of missed calls. 

when soyoung is truly heartbroken, there is no explosion, no shouting matches. she just goes quiet. 

she stands in front of you, not unlike a parent about to scold their child. you’ve seen her like this before, but it’s never been directed at you.

“i’m sorry.” you say quietly, but she just scoffs and closes her eyes, rubbing her temples.

“don’t.” she says. 

“i wanted to tell you.”

“i said _ don’t _.” she says, soft but full of acid. 

“why come over if not to let me explain, soyoung?” you retaliate, voice barely above a whisper.

“fine then. if you wanted to tell me, why didn’t you?” her eyes flash open and she turns to face you. 

“because...because i…”

“because _ why _?”

you close your eyes tightly and take a deep breath. “because how was i supposed to tell you i’ve been faking a relationship just to get you off my back, soyoung?”

the room is quiet enough to hear a pin drop. you’re afraid to open your eyes, but you know you have to. when you do, the look on soyoung’s face is so full of hurt you wish you’d never opened your big mouth. but then again, that’s what got you into this mess in the first place. 

“please...please don’t think i’m trying to say this is your fault, because i’m not, really, i just...it’s not even _ jihoon’s _ fault, i was just so stressed and i dealt with it horribly and i _ lied _ to you and i’m so fucking sorry, soyoung. there was no reason i couldn’t have just...talked to you. i’m an idiot and i love you, and i hope you can forgive me.” 

soyoung doesn’t say anything for a minute or two, and you know better than to try and say any more. she chews her bottom lip as she mulls over your words. “i just wanted you to be happy again.”

your heart breaks. “i know, soyoung. i know you wanted me to have love, and you were doing what you thought was the right thing. i was ungrateful and should have just talked to you about it like a normal person when it wasn’t working.” 

“yes.” she says, soft but sharp. “you should have. i would have _ understood _.” 

you swallow thickly, trying hard not to cry. “i know. i know, i was just...blinded by my stupid brain, okay? i’m so sorry i hurt you. i never, _ ever _ wanted that soyoung.” 

finally, she sits down on the couch next to you, throwing her head back over the edge. “i’m not...i’m going to forgive you. but not yet. you fucked up in ways i don’t think you even understand yet. this isn’t just about you lying to me.”

this surprises you. “what do you mean?”

“it’s not for me to tell you.” she sighs. “get me a drink.” you do as she asks, going to the kitchen and grabbing her a bottle of water. “so no more blind dates.”

you let out a noise somewhere between a sigh and a laugh. “god, _ please _, soyoung. your taste in men - man, i mean, so woomin - is great, right up until it comes to setting them up with me.” you think for a moment. “although, i suppose if the situation had been different, maybe me and jihoon would have been a nice couple.”

soyoung groans. “i’m going to kill you.”

you laugh. “what? he’s handsome. we looked good together!”

“you’re an idiot. that’s all i’m going to say. also, you need to drive me home. i was drinking earlier so i had to call a cab to come over here.”

you groan good-naturedly. “i can’t believe you raced over here to yell at me and you’re demanding i drive you home.”

“this is your punishment.” she says simply, and you think to yourself that you’re getting off lightly. “that won’t be it though. i’m really upset with you.”

“i understand, boss.” 

she smacks you lightly. “let’s go.” 

you nod, getting up to grab your keys and put on shoes. as the two of you get into the car, you realize something. 

“wait a second. did jihoon tell you?”

“yes and no.” she picks up your phone to look through your playlists. “seungcheol let it slip, and then jihoon was sort of forced to explain.”

you hadn’t realized he’d told seungcheol. you wonder if it had happened because of what you’d said, or...oh well. no use worrying about it now. 

you drop soyoung off and...to say you’re surprised to see jihoon’s car wouldn’t be quite right. you’d known he was here - he’d told you as much, and so had soyoung. but seeing it now, now that everything has come to light, you feel...strange. lighter, freer, but strange all the same. you wish soyoung good night and she asks if you want to come in and say hi to everyone. 

“not tonight. another time, okay? go in and drink some water. love you.”

she smiles and squeezes your hand. “love you too.” 

you watch her walk up to the door and head inside, greeted at the door by woomin. you can already imagine the pout he must be giving her, _ ‘i was so worried about you!’ _you know she’s giving him a pout right back. you smile to yourself and pull back onto the road, heading back home. 

* * *

you don’t text jihoon first. he promised he would, and jihoon has never broken a promise he’s made you, so you wait. he’s also incredibly busy, so it’s better for him to set a time and date for the two of you to meet up. get together. hang out? you’re not sure which term fits best here, but none of the above feel right, they stick to your tongue in a way that’s reminiscent of cherry medicine. 

the text comes two weeks later on a friday after you get off work. you’re heading out to your car, toying with the idea of going to eat somewhere you can sit outside and enjoy the evening sunshine when your phone goes off. you pull it from your purse and can’t fight the smile spreading on your face when you see the notification. you call him immediately instead of texting back, too excited to wait for the back and forth of a text conversation. 

“oh!” comes jihoon’s voice, and your stomach flutters. you’ve missed his voice. “sorry, were you driving?”

“nope!” you reply, opening the door to you car and settling yourself inside. “just wanted to call. it’s funny, you know, i was just thinking about going out somewhere and enjoying the sun when i got your text. are you hungry?” 

jihoon hums, and you imagine him playing with the buttons on his sound setup. “yeah, we could get some food. how about we go down to the river and have something delivered?”

“that sounds great! i’ll meet you there? i’m leaving work now.” 

you and jihoon agree on a place to meet and hang up. you turn on your car and your summer playlist and pull out of the garage, mentally crossing your fingers that your drive won’t be too bad. 

you find a place to park and walk the rest of the way to meet jihoon. you find him already waiting for you, sitting on a bench facing the road with a blanket tucked under his arm. you’re struck by how handsome he is - he’s cut his hair since the last time you saw him, and dyed it to a pretty shade of silver. he turns, face lighting up with a smile when he sees you coming. he waves and your heart pounds a little. you feel a little selfish - you only want him to smile like that for you. 

he stands as you come up to his bench, smile softening. “it’s good to see you.” he says, voice gentle. he gathers the blanket in his arms and gestures towards the grass. “do you want to get a spot and then order something, or order now and then go set up?” 

you look down towards the riverside - the grass is dotted with groups of people, but not yet as crowded as it would become later. “i think we have some time! if it starts getting busy, one of us can go find a spot while the other waits for food.” 

jihoon nods and both of you take a seat on the bench, crowding together to look over the delivery app on jihoon’s phone. you decide on pizza and while jihoon pays, you run into the corner store across the street to grab drinks. when you return, jihoon tells you it shouldn’t be more than fifteen minutes, so you should have plenty of time. 

“so...i know i always ask, but how has work been?” 

jihoon smiles. “it’s okay, i like that you always ask. work has been good. things are going well, so the company is growing. i get to make music for even more artists, so i’m pretty busy. this is the first friday in a while that i’ve left the studio at a normal time.” 

“wow.” you draw the sound out, playing with a string on the sleeve of your blouse. “i hope you’re still sleeping and eating well, _ right _?”

the tips of jihoon’s ears go red and you smile. “well, you know, i do my best.” 

you chuckle, tucking some hair behind your ear. “you’re gonna need glasses from the way you stare at that screen all the time. it’s bad for your eyes.”

jihoon coughs. “i fixed the lights, so it hasn’t been as bad.” he laughs nervously. “no more headaches.” 

you’re stunned for a moment. “oh, that - that’s good, jihoon. i’m glad.” 

he nods and the two of you fall into silence. 

“oh, how is your work going?” 

you shrug. “same old same old. new day, new but also same reports needing checked, you know.”

“i don’t, but if you ever wanted to explain i would be happy to listen.” jihoon is looking down at his phone when you turn to look at him, eyes a little wide. 

“i ...i mean it’s not that exciting or anything.” 

now jihoon shrugs. “but do you like it?”

“i mean...it could definitely be worse! i like it most of the time.” 

“then i would like to hear you talk about it.” 

“lee jihoon?” 

the two of you look up and see a delivery man, straddling his bike and looking over at the two of you. jihoon jumps up and goes over to take the food from him, then comes back to you. 

“shall we go find a spot?” 

you grab the blanket and the bag of drinks and head off down the path, jihoon following behind with the pizza. you find a nice spot - not too crowded yet - and settle down to eat. the pizza is good and keeps the two of you quiet for a bit, between idle bits of chatter and big bites. 

you’re halfway through your third slice when jihoon says, “it’s really good to see you.” the motion of your jaw slows down until it stops, and you turn to look at him. it doesn’t have to be as meaningful as you sort of want it to be. you and jihoon were friends - are friends - and it’s been a really long time since you’ve been able to hang out. he doesn’t mean anything more by it, at least that’s what you tell yourself.

jihoon’s heart has been ready to leap out of his chest this entire time, always two beats shy of bursting. every minute detail of being this close to you is sending his senses haywire. he’s missed being close to you like this, regardless of the context. 

“you too.” you say, smiling at him gently, a little unsure. your cheeks are surely flooded with color but you try to ignore it, tipping your head back to finish off one of your canned coffees. “it’s nice, hanging out again. i’ve missed it.” 

jihoon hopes desperately that you mean that you miss _ him _. that you’ve missed him in the same way he’s missed you. it’s not likely, he knows, but he can’t help but hope. 

“we should do this more often.” you say, inspecting the second box to see if you could possibly eat another slice. “it’s nice! hanging out together like this, you know?” you lean into jihoon to dig at him with your elbow. “plus we both know you need to get out more often.”

jihoon stares down at the coffee in his hands, fingers playing with the rim of the can. “yeah, uh, seungcheol says the same thing.” you visibly bristle at the mention of seungcheol’s name, pulling away from him, and jihoon misses the warmth of your touch immediately. “he wanted me to tell you he’s sorry, by the way. about the uh - the grocery store thing.”

you sigh. “it’d mean more coming from _ him _. and you can tell him i said so.”

“he was just -”

“looking out for you, i know, jihoon. i’ve acted the same way to soyoung’s exes before, so it’s not like i don’t _ get _it, it’s just...it’s not very nice being on the receiving end. i guess that’s all.” 

jihoon looks at you and his heart breaks, just a little. he knows - and you know - that you didn’t _ deserve _ it, no matter how kind seungcheol’s intentions had been (at least, in regards to jihoon’s feelings). “i’m sorry.” 

you look up at him, eyes wide and sad. “why are _ you _ sorry? how - jihoon, really, don’t be sorry, okay?” you want to take him into your arms and comfort him. why on earth was he trying to take any responsibility for this? “jihoon, really, i mean it. i don’t want you to feel sorry. you didn’t do anything wrong.”

jihoon turns away from you. he can’t listen to you say those words so genuinely when he’d only done _ everything _ wrong - your agreement had only had one rule, and he’d broken it. 

“jihoon?” your voice is soft, unsure. he looks up at the setting sun, dark purple lining the horizon. “are you okay?”

he turns to you, putting on what he hopes is his most reassuring smile. “i’m fine! just kinda tired. all this overworking, you know? really catching up to me.”

you pout at him. “so go home and rest, hoonie. we can hang out again some other time.”

“no, i’m fine.” he insists. “i want to be here! i can rest later. i’m taking tomorrow off.” you raise your eyebrow at him, and he laughs. “i am, really. i promise. i don’t have any hard deadlines.”

“fine.” you sigh, dramatic, then burst into laughter and lay back on the blanket, closing your eyes. 

jihoon looks at you with adoration shining brightly in his eyes, but if you asked him he would just say it’s the sun. in his mind, you were kind of one and the same. 

“but uh - what you said before? about hanging out like this? we could do that. make it a weekly thing.” 

you open one eye and look up at him. “yeah?” 

he smiles. “yeah. especially since it’s so nice out. i think it’d be a good way to spend the summer.”

you close your eye again, resting your hands on your stomach and letting a serene smile onto your face. “i think you might be right.” 

you and jihoon stay by the riverside until well after dark, talking about more things than the two of you were ever able to before. it’s almost as if this is the first time the two of you have ever _ really _ hung out, as if you’d only scratched the surface of what there was to know about each other. thinking back, you could only recall talking about the trauma that your relationships had caused you both and jihoon’s work. and you know that looking back, you hadn’t minded. but now, now that things are different, you wish you would have known more about him sooner. 

when the night is over, jihoon walks you back to your car, blanket slung over his shoulder with the strap. he wishes he could hold your hand, but he knows he’s not allowed to anymore. 

“so from now on,” you say, settling yourself into the driver’s seat and looking at jihoon, who’s framed himself between the door and the body, “we’ll meet up every friday, unless one of us has some kind of hard deadline, in which case we’ll meet that sunday. no take backs, okay?”

jihoon laughs, nodding. “you got it.” he sticks out his pinky, and you laugh too, linking your finger with his. “it’s a promise.”

and jihoon has never broken any of his promises to you. except for one. 

* * *

slowly but surely, you and jihoon begin to find your way back to each other, closer than ever before. texting becomes a near constant between the two of you, from morning to night, everything from coworker complaints to pictures of things that reminded you of each other. as the summer nights grow hotter, so does your affection for jihoon grow warmer - you curse your past self for not allowing yourself the opportunity to know him as you do now.

this week’s get together has been pushed back to a saturday - you’d had a rush project that had needed your attention at work friday night. jihoon had understood and promised to pay for brunch the next day, figuring you would need the treat. 

_ “i don’t deserve you, hoon.” you’d groaned into the phone at the time, to jihoon’s nervous laughter. _

_ “it’s fine. you can buy next time.” _

_ “you bet. okay, i gotta go. see you tomorrow.” _

you meet jihoon at the restaurant since it’s only a short walk from your apartment and the weather hasn’t quite reached stifling yet. you get a text from jihoon saying he’s already grabbed a table and a playful request to hurry up. 

you find him near the back, by a big window, looking over the menu with a concentrated pout on his face. already there’s a pitcher of mimosas on the table, meaning he’d ordered it for you without even thinking. an absolute sweetheart, that jihoon. 

“hey hoon~” you singsong, taking your seat across from him. “what’s up?” 

“bout time you showed up.” he smirks, taking a sip of his coffee. “there’s a ‘summer lovin’ special. stuffed french toast, mini omelettes, potatoes, choice of meat, and two muffins to go.”

“i’m in.”

jihoon snickers and closes his menu. “i figured as much. so how’d it go last night?”

you sigh and take a long sip of your drink, letting its fruity flavor and boozy effects soothe you. “i was there til nearly ten, but i finished. thankfully one of the interns stayed to help me - i’m definitely recommending he be brought on full-time.” 

jihoon nods, but says nothing. there’s a funny little feeling in his chest that he’s willfully choosing to ignore. 

“i felt so bad, because he’s said that he and his boyfriend haven’t been able to meet lately, but they had plans this weekend so it worked out okay.” 

huh, jihoon thinks. the little feeling is gone. 

you order your food and hand back your menus, the waitress smiling at the two of you as if she knew something you and jihoon did not. 

she comes back to refill your water glasses, and jihoon’s coffee, promises your food soon, and smiles at you again as she backs away. 

you take a sip of your mimosa before refilling it yourself, squinting. “jihoon.”

“hmm?”

“i think the waitress is hitting on you.”

jihoon sputters and chokes on his coffee. “you’re _ drunk _. she is not.”

you’re pretty sure you’re not drunk. you could be wrong though. “how many mimosas have i had?”

“like, three, and it’s been maybe twenty minutes.” he frowns. “slow down. the waitress…” his cheeks flush. “she thinks we’re dating.”

_ oh _. 

“shut up.” you whisper. you can feel your cheeks flushing from more than the alcohol floating through your system, and take a sip from your water in an attempt to ease the burn. 

“anyway…” jihoon clears his throat. “i was hoping i could ask you for a favor.”

you perk up. “of course! what’s up?” 

jihoon smiles and you’re pretty sure that angels are singing somewhere. “so, the baseball league is doing like, a block party in july, and i was wondering if you could help me make cookies or something again?”

“oh no.” you giggle. “did you miss a meeting again? surely there will be enough different grills going that you could do one of those.”

he scratches at the back of his head, ears tinged pink. “well...yeah, but...people really liked your cookies, and asked me if my uh, girlfriend would be helping again, and i didn’t really know how to bring up that we, uh -”

“oh, okay, jihoon, it’s cool, i was _ teasing _. of course i’ll help you out! maybe something like mini sandwich cookies...that could be fun…” your mind is immediately swept away with different recipes and options, pulling your phone out and starting a new note for yourself. 

jihoon watches you, eyes grateful and adoring. the waitress brings your food as you’re furiously typing away, too distracted to pay her much attention. 

“you and your girlfriend are cute.” she says lowly to jihoon, smiling. “how long have you been dating?”

jihoon’s entire face heats up. “we’re - we aren’t - she’s not -”

the waitress nods solemnly and gives jihoon’s chair a gentle, consoling pat. “it’s okay. it’ll all work out. i have an eye for these things.”

jihoon eyes her warily as she walks away, instead choosing to return his focus to you, who has finally snapped out of recipe mode enough to notice the food in front of you.

you’ve already dug in, chewing happily on a mouthful of french toast. 

“so when is the block party?” you ask, washing your food down with mimosa. “how long do i have to plan?”

jihoon pulls his phone out to check his calendar. “it’s three weeks from today. is that enough time?”

you think for a moment, but your brain is swimming a little. it’ll be fine, you’re pretty sure, so you nod. “hey. how come you’ve never invited me to one of your games?” 

jihoon’s eyes go wide. “oh, well...i don’t really...uh. i didn’t know you were interested, i guess.”

“well, i am. i want to come to the next one, okay?”

“that’s tomorrow.” 

you shrug. “i’ll be there. text me a time and place later.”

“really, you don’t have to come. i’m sure you’d rather be doing something relaxing after how hellish work was.”

“yeah, that’s what we’re doing now, hoon. do you not want me to come?”

jihoon’s mind races with possible answers. no, he doesn’t want you to come because he’ll get nervous and bring the team down. yes, of course he wants you to come and watch him and be marvelled by his skill, just like in the winter’s talent show. no, because what if you get bored and leave, god that would really -

“jihoon? it’s okay if you don’t. i get it.” 

but your voice is tinged with hurt and jihoon just can’t have that. “no, of course i want you to come. don’t be silly.”

a smile back on your face, jihoon relaxes, and brunch continues. he ends up driving you home, due to the spike in the temperature outside as the day had gone on as well as your inebriated state, carefully walking with you up to your door. 

“now go in, take some aspirin, and have a nap, okay? and drink more water.” 

you hum, skin warm where his hands are guiding you. “okay, okay, it’s not my first time getting a little brunch drunk, jihoon.”

jihoon pouts, watching carefully as you reach for your keys and unlock your door. stepping inside, you lean against the doorway and smile at him. 

“i’m looking forward to your game tomorrow.” you pause, then start giggling. “sport.”

jihoon sighs. “i know you’re drunk but  _ please _ don’t call me  _ that _ .” 

you laugh harder. “ _ sport _ .” your laughter sends you into a fit, nearly doubling over, stumbling backwards before recovering. “ooh, that’s a good one. okay, bye hoonie!”

you shut the door and leave him standing there, frozen. 

you hadn’t called him that in months. 

x

the game ends up being rained out, so jihoon is saved from his what-ifs regarding your attendance, but you promise him you’ll be at the next one. jihoon is busy leading up to the block party, as are you - july is prime vacation time, and  _ someone _ has to stay in the office and work. 

you make your way to jihoon’s house the night before the block party, car full of ingredients for two types of sandwich cookies. you’d even taken the time to prep dough the night before, so all you need is to bake the cookies and then fill them. a lot of them. 

jihoon meets you outside and carries in your bags, barely struggling under the weight of the numerous bags. he sets everything on his kitchen counter. “what should i set the oven to?”

“hmm, let’s do 350 to start. the cookies will be small, so they shouldn’t take very long.” 

jihoon nods, setting the oven as you start pulling plastic-wrapped dough, quarts of cream and bags of sugar and different fruit out of your bags. jihoon’s eyes bug out a little at the sight, and you laugh. 

“can i trust you to start rolling dough out? i brought a roller too so we can both do it, so we can do it nice and fast. we have...a lot of cookies to get done.”

jihoon laughs. “i think i can handle it.” 

the two of you get to work, rolling dough out on jihoon’s floured counters, carefully cutting out so many tiny circles and transferring them to baking sheets, rinsing and repeating. once most of the cookies have been baked, jihoon taking over the process, you get to work on making fillings, one for each type of cookie. 

you add cream and butter and sugar to the biggest bowl jihoon had, beating it all until it became creamy and smooth and thick, perfect for filling cookies. you then scrape half the mixture into another bowl, setting them aside while you prep your fruit. 

jihoon watches you work while he waits for the last batch to finish in the oven. his kitchen is covered in tiny cookies, and he can’t help but feel...a gentle sort of satisfaction, seeing you like this, working at something you love doing, all for his sake. the sun is setting outside, golden light pouring through his kitchen window and shining onto your hair. you’re biting your lip as you concentrate on the knife in your hand, and realization hits jihoon square in his chest. 

his feelings for you are going nowhere at an alarming rate - if anything, they’ve only escalated in the time the two of you spent apart, then coming back together, and now, to be here, back in his kitchen just like the night the two of you met, back when it all began...jihoon’s heart and eyes are wide open, looking at you. 

jihoon’s heart pound so hard and fast he can barely breathe, and he knows if he doesn’t open up his goddamned mouth and say the words he’s been hiding for weeks now, he’ll only regret it. he has to say it to you now, in the beautiful light of sunset, with your hair a mess and apron covered in sugar, or he’ll never forgive himself.

he says your name, and it feels like home as it leaves his lips. you look up at him, a gentle smile, and ask what he needs. 

“i’m in love with you.” he says, and his throat and chest feel raw and open, like a wound that has gone untended for far too long - ignored for the sake of your friendship. “i - i feel like i should apologize, but i - i’m not going to, i’m not going to apologize for loving you, and...and i….please say something.”

your heart is ready to burst out of your chest, straight through your ribcage. you can’t believe the words falling over jihoon’s pretty lips, head swimming with ways you must have misheard him. he continues, and you just stare at him, face flushing three shades of red. he begs you to say something, anything, and you feel tears prick at your eyes. you bring your hands up to wipe them away, and jihoon is across the kitchen in an instant, taking your face into his warm, gentle hands, wiping the tears away for you. 

“please.” he whispers. “i promised i would never make you cry.” 

you sniffle, unable to look him in the eye. “how long?” 

jihoon sighs, rubbing a thumb over your cheek. “i’ve had feelings for you...probably since before new years. but loving you is new. i think i just realized it just now.”

you laugh, a little broken and wet. “just had to tell me, right here and now, huh?”

“you looked so beautiful.” jihoon whispers. “i felt like i was gonna burst if i didn’t.”

“so romantic.” you whisper back. you lean into jihoon’s touch. “why didn’t you tell me before? no wonder everyone was so upset with me when we broke up, hoonie.”

he’ll never tell you how good it feels to hear that nickname in your sweet voice. “because i wanted...i wanted to give you what you wanted, and that was for things to end. it didn’t matter to me how crushed i was, because my feelings weren’t your problem, you know?”

“oh, jihoon…” 

he swallows. “you...you haven’t said anything.” he says softly. 

“oh…” your voice is soft, undetectable if jihoon hadn’t been so close. “i...i think i love you too, hoonie.” you finally bring your gaze up to meet his, and his eyes are wide and full of hope. “i’m sorry i’ve been such an idiot this whole time, i...i just didn’t know what i was feeling, it was nothing like anything i’ve felt before, and i just kept pushing it aside, hoping it would go away, and then i was always  _ missing you,  _ and none of my dates made me feel as good as you did, and i just...i love you, jihoon.” fresh tears fall from your eyes and jihoon leans forward, only a breath away.

“please,” he whispers. “can i kiss you?”

you nod, and he does, and everything finally falls into place. 

jihoon’s mouth is just as soft as you remember, soft like a dream come true, like a confession of love whispered in the golden light of sunset. kissing him feels right, feels like you belong, like this was what you’ve always been meant to do. 

jihoon’s hands cradle your face, your perfect beautiful face, as his lips move over yours and this, he thinks, is what every love song is about. this feeling, right here, of knowing you belong so fully to the person you love, of knowing every fiber of your being was put on this earth to love them. 

you pull away from him, breathless, heart racing. “i love you.” you whisper. “i love you, jihoonie.” he starts to say something, but you stop him. “i love you, but we have to finish the cookies. i will not have league wives and moms tarnishing your reputation or mine over cookies.”

jihoon’s eyes go wide and he laughs, unable to control himself. he peppers your face with kisses, quick “i love you”s between each one. 

“i’m not kidding, jihoon. i have a lot riding on this.”

“i love you.”

“i love you too. now pick up a spoon.”

x

later, when the cookies are finished and the kitchen is cleaned, you and jihoon are tangled together on his couch, lips working fervently against each other. 

“baby.” jihoon whispers, pulling away, panting and lips red. “there’s something i need to show you. i hope it makes more sense now than it did before.”

gently, he removes you from his lap and sets you onto the couch to go to his computer, typing quickly and clicking a few things before music begins to play over his sound system. the song is familiar, but you can’t remember where you’ve heard it before. it’s so obviously jihoon’s, it’s absolutely his style, and then it’s his voice, and you know this isn’t the first time you’re listening to this song, but you just can’t remember where. 

“i played this for you on valentines day.” jihoon says quietly, taking a seat in his desk chair. 

you nod, saying nothing, listening intently, and then your heart begins to break. 

“you wrote this for me.” you whisper, hiding your face in your hands and trying desperately not to cry imagining how your behavior must have made jihoon feel that night. “you were trying to tell me, and i….i was just such a bitch that night, and then i avoided you; god, jihoonie, i can’t even begin to imagine how i made you feel. i’m so, so sorry.”

the song ends and jihoon closes his computer, rejoining you on the couch and taking your hands into his. “you didn’t know any better.” he says gently. “i’ll admit, i was worried maybe you’d figured me out and didn’t know how to let me down easy, but then you ended it, and...i was crushed, yeah, but at least i knew it wasn’t because of my feelings for you.” 

you pout. “i’ll never be able to say i’m sorry enough, jihoon. i was so blind. i thought i was doing the right thing, you know?”

“i know, baby. it’s okay. we’re here now, aren’t we?”

you nod and lift jihoon’s hands to your lips, pressing a soft kiss to the back of each. “we’re here now.”

the room goes quiet, neither of you saying anything. jihoon takes you back into his arms, holding you tight against his chest. 

“why do i have the feeling soyoung is going to very loudly say i told you so when she finds out?” you wonder, playing with jihoon’s fingers. 

jihoon laughs, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “i think it’s safe to say we deserve it, though.”

you pout. unfortunately, he’s right.

* * *

jihoon drives the two of you out of the city. it’s winter again, fresh snow on the ground. he won’t tell you where he’s taking you, but you trust him. with everything you have, you trust him.

it takes a little over an hour to reach your destination, and when you do, you can’t help but burst into laughter. 

you hold his hand as you walk inside and take off your shoes, not surprised to see the restaurant bustling and full of couples. he spots an empty table near the back and leads you over, sitting down across from you.

a woman with a small, knowing smile comes over to take your orders. 

“i told you the jjigae was magic.” she says. “i’m happy to see the two of you have come back for more.” 

you and jihoon both blush. 

“well, it  _ was _ the best kimchi jjigae we’ve ever had.” you say, one hand finding jihoon’s to intertwine your fingers. the owner smiles. 

“an order of dumplings too, then?”

jihoon nods. “yes please.”

when you leave, there are a few new polaroids of happy couples pinned to the walls. this time, you and jihoon are up there too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not crying you're crying. i can't begin to tell you all how much this story means to me - i've never finished a multichaptered fic before. never. this has been a struggle and at the same time i love this story so, so much, that every piece of pain was worth it. i'm simultaneously so happy and yet so sad that it's over.
> 
> find me on [twt](https://twitter.com/carebearcoupsie/) and [tumblr](https://seungcheolsbodyharness.tumblr.com/)


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